Your Brain Is Angry. It’s Time to Feed It a Cookie.

How a bizarre lesson from Rainn Wilson and Gandhi is saving my creative soul.

Photo by Vyshnavi Bisani on Unsplash

You know the feeling.

You’re cruising along, your mind buzzing with a new article idea or a solution to a client’s problem. You’re happy. The creative flow is humming.

Then, it happens. Someone cuts you off in traffic, their middle finger a stark punctuation to their anger. Or, an email pings in — a terse, unkind message from a collaborator or client.

In a flash, the flow is gone. Replaced by a hot, sharp anger.

This was my (Cristof) default state. My internal monologue would kick in, a cocktail of self-righteous judgment and cynical ridicule: “I’m such a good driver. I went at the speed limit. What a jerk. And for what? We’re both just going to end up at the same red light anyway.”

It felt justified. It felt normal. But I never stopped to calculate the real cost.

That anger wasn’t just a passing emotion. It was a toxin. It would seep into my body, making my knees tense, my shoulders tight, and my stomach churn. With a sick body and a mind buzzing with negativity, I couldn’t create. I couldn’t write. I’d try to sit down at my desk, but the words wouldn’t come. If I had to produce work, it was subpar, forced, and misaligned. The entire cycle would then spiral into frustration and self-doubt.

It was costing me my peace, my productivity, and my power.

The turning point came from an unexpected place: Rainn Wilson’s book, Soul Boom (affiliate link). In it, he writes:

“We all know someone who is rude, selfish, unkind, toxic. We do our best to avoid people like this. But what if we tried instead to consciously find one good quality about that person? For instance, what if they are a total jerk in every way but have great hygiene and always smell like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies? When I’m able to consciously focus on the good quality of a person, not only is my day better but my relationship with that person improves. And eventually, other good qualities are revealed to me that I might not have taken the time to see previously.

In other words, focus on the cookies. and don’t focus on the negative.”

He then quotes Gandhi, one of the grand masters of humility:

“I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.”

“Focus on the cookies.” The phrase stopped me. It was so simple, so visual, so… absurd. But it pointed to a profound truth I had been missing.

For all my life, I thought the solution was to simply stop being angry. To suppress it. To let it go. But you can’t reliably power down a reaction with willpower alone. The real shift, I discovered, isn’t about managing your reactions.

It’s about shifting your identity.

The Person Who Finds the Cookies

I realized that “focusing on the cookies” wasn’t a behavior hack. It was an identity. I had to stop trying to be less angry and start becoming the kind of person who, by their very nature, doesn’t get derailed by external circumstances.

I asked myself: Who would I have to become for a rude driver or a difficult email to not be an issue at all?

The answer painted a clear picture. This version of me is:

1. Self-Reflecting: They look inward before casting outward judgment.

2. Unaffected by Circumstances: They don’t take their emotional cues from other people’s bad behavior.

3. Compassionate: They operate from a default assumption of goodness, or at the very least, a default assumption that everyone is fighting a hard battle.

This is the core of manifestation and identity shifting. You don’t wait until you feel like that person to act. You act as if you are that person, and the feelings follow.

When the world gets loud, this identity whispers:

“I am not taking my cues from current circumstances. These circumstances are only the result of my past mind states. My current mind state produces my future circumstances. And I’m not letting anybody decide over my mind states. Every thought counts. Every thought matters.”

Your 30-Second Identity Shift Drill

This isn’t just philosophy. It’s a practical drill you can use the very next time you’re triggered. It takes less than 30 seconds and has two simple steps.

The moment you feel that hot surge of judgmental anger, pause. Take one breath, and repeat this twofold mantra to yourself:

1. Step One: Detach. Say: “I do not take cues from my circumstances.”
   This is the emergency brake. It stops the mental train from hurtling down the familiar track of rage and ridicule. It reclaims your sovereignty.

2. Step Two: Shift. Ask: “Who do I have to become for whom this wouldn’t be an issue at all?”
   This is the rocket fuel. It instantly moves you from a state of reaction to a state of creation. You are no longer a victim of the event; you are the conscious architect of your response. You are putting on the cloak of your highest self.

Then, and only then, look for the cookie. Maybe it’s the fact their car is impeccably clean. (And only decent people keep their cars clean, right?) Maybe it’s Sophia’s wonderful method of assuming their loved one is giving birth and they need to rush to the hospital. (Since we’re the ones dictating our mental narrative, we might as well make it a good one.)

The “cookie” is the proof that your identity shift is working.

The Ripple Effect on Your Creative Life

When you become the person who finds the cookies, you aren’t just being nice. You are engaging in the most strategic act of self-preservation a creator, solopreneur, freelancer, or really anyone can do.

You are protecting your most valuable asset: your aligned, creative energy. You are ensuring that a single moment of external chaos doesn’t derail your entire day’s work. You are, quite literally, building the future you want by consciously choosing the mind state that will create it.

Every thought counts. Every thought matters. So choose to find the cookie. Your peace, your power, and your next breakthrough depend on it.

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116: Becoming Like A Tree - How I am working through my content creation block

I feel like I have been censoring myself. Recently, when I got inspired to write a blog post or make video, I told myself that I already talk about it in my coaching program, so why post about it. When I got an idea on how web designers can raise their pricing, the thought arose, “I teach that within my coaching program”. Or when I came up with a perspective to share on how to handle the workflow of a design project, again my mind said, “Don’t you share that in-depth in the coaching program curriculum? Why give it away for free?”.

My Program Is Substantial. But That Shouldn’t Be A Reason Why I Don’t Blog On Those Same Topics

Yes, it’s true that I have laid out everything inside my group coaching program which is an exclusive program I created to help web designers build a thriving business - not just a six figure business but grow to a Million $ Net Worth. I share everything I know, share my emails, my processes, my strategies, and my game-plans. I show actual screenshots from within my business. It’s my way to pass on everything to other designers. It’s a fantastic program, my best work - if I may say so myself.

Because I have all my gems inside this program, when it comes to creating new blog and video content, I’ve censored myself. And this is exactly what I want to work through and break free from because I have been feeling suffocated. As if I can only talk about certain things and not others and my mind was not free to share and explore with my audience new ideas and perspectives.

My Wise Husband Speaks

So I asked my very wise husband for some guidance. Cristof, who is also the finance coach inside the program and an overall genius when it comes to finance, business and online marketing, shared an exercise with me. And I want to share it with you, in case, you too have some kind of a content creation block, or some kind of a block in your business.

He said, “Journal a response to this question, “Why is it worth blogging freely about what I know?” and then do this for a month every day.”

Why Is It Worth Doing …?

There are two key things to note about this exercise:
1. The question is very purposefully presented in a positive action oriented format. The question asks why is it worth blogging freely, instead of why is it worth letting go of this block. Both ways of posing this question will work for different people in different moods. For me, the former is easier to grasp because “blogging freely” is an action I can do, “letting go” is an action that feels abstract and intangible.

2. Cristof asked me to do this exercise every day. It can be a quick one minute journaling. And it’s okay if I come up with the same answers as the previous day. The key here is repetition. Clearly, this block is a result of some way of thinking, a belief that is deep in my subconscious. And just one time writing it may not be very effective (it can be sometimes, of course). We often need repetition for things to settle into the trenches of our brain and to replace old subconscious beliefs! So writing this out every day for a month will help me highlight the positive reasons and benefits of blogging freely and break free of the block.

So phrase the question in a way that it is tangible and action-oriented (blogging freely, in this case) and journal every day for a month.

Answers That Came Up For Me

I want to share some of the realizations of this simple exercise that are helping me breakthrough my content creation block:

Why is it worth blogging freely about what I know?

Because Nathan Barry (founder of ConvertKit) said to me, “Teach Everything You Know”. (He actually wrote this when he signed his book at his Craft & Commerce conference some years ago).
Because I have benefitted from others sharing freely.
Because I want to have a positive domino effect in the world.
Because knowledge is power only when it is shared and not when it goes to the grave with the knowledge-holder.
Because I can save years and years of time for a fellow web designer and that time saved is priceless for us as humanity.
Because I can help another designer be independent and stand on their feet and not have to kill their dreams before they had a chance to sprout and bloom fully.
Because I can show other designers how to earn $5-$10K monthly with web design services with ease and this kind of revenue can mean a world of difference for most web designers.
Because I believe that if an action can help even just 1 person in a small way, then it is an action worth taking.
Because there is no guarantee that I will have another day to share my experience meaningfully (because tomorrow is not guaranteed to any one of us.)
Because there are many avenues through which abundance finds its way to me, and the coaching program is just one of them.
Because sharing is what trees do; they share all that they have and in doing so they prosper naturally.
Because I am a creative being and restrictions on what I blog about is like putting a candle inside a vacuum.

Becoming like a Tree

The two key take aways from this exercise. One is that I must become like the tree. Trees share all they have. For example, they share their fruits which are eaten by birds who then pass those seeds in some other area and in this way new trees grow. That’s how they prosper. They let down hundreds and hundreds of acorns which the squirrels put away for their use but only use 20% of what they “plant" away! That’s wisdom! Share freely and simply in doing so we prosper and thrive. I just love trees!

Abundance Has Multiple Avenues

The other key realization for me is to remember that abundance has multiple channels to find me. I have been narrow-minded in thinking that just one program will be the main source of growing my business. But abundance has found so many different avenues to come into my life already and I know that there’s more than one channel that it uses to get to us. The ocean has rivers flowing into it from all directions. And as self-employed web designers, we are like the ocean; not dependent on any single source for our income. It is freeing to think this way and to remember the vast and infinite possibilities that exist.

Now, It’s Your Turn

So my dear, web designer, if you find yourself in a situation where something feels suffocated, or you are inadvertently stifling your creativity or sense of ease and peace, journal to receive some breakthroughs. Ask yourself a positive action-oriented question starting with, “Why is it worth doing …xyz?” And see what comes up as insights and inspirations. Share in the comments for us all, if you feel inspired!

Cheers to you and your abundant creativity,
🦄🦄🦄 Sophia

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One needs an abundant mindset for creating content!

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Creative Expression

The Intention for Today is creative expression.

Today, I invite the creative energies to express through me in abundant, benevolent and magical ways. May I become the vessel, the vehicle that is pure and free to carry through that which wants to emerge through me. May creative expression find its highest form through and within me.

Thank you creative expression for flowing your energies through me.

Guided Visualization Free Sample Track for Creativity

As promised, here is the meditation track I wanted to share for you to sample. Please feel free to share with me any feedback you may have on this visualization.

Wishing you a lovely time tapping into your creative fountain. Enjoy. Find a comfortable place and close your eyes. Make sure you have 14 minutes of full attention. Please do not listen to this while doing something else.

Here is the Visualization Meditation for Creativity. Duration: 14 min.

Visualization for Creativity

After the meditation we did last week for the Asheville based Music band, I was inspired to make a meditation track that focuses on tapping into creative energy. 

Creativity is of essence in every day life, not only for artists, performers, writers and creatives. Creativity ic channeled in relationship-building, peace building, project management, conceptual work and any other task which engages the human potential.

So I am very happy to share with you a meditation track which you can use at any time to tap into your creative energy. Come back to this blog tomorrow for the new track.

Intention for Today: Creativity

Creativity is the intention for today.

Today, let us create. Create something new. Create something refreshing, something beautiful. Create something that speaks to your heart. Create a mood of love and joy. Create art and music. Create a space that is warm and inviting. Create beauty, tenderness, color and rhythm. Create laughter. Create stories. Create. Create. Create.

Thank you Creativity for flowing through us.

Intention for Today: Creativity

Today, I ask for Creativity to fill our lives. May we find creative solutions to any situation we face. Let the energy of creativity paint our thoughts and actions. May we creatively navigate through the oceans of life. May we all feel and experience the boundless possibility that wraps us and when we give our creative minds the permission, swirls us through unknown places of pure joy and fulfillment. May we vibrate the fruits of creative communication and bring into this world new ideas that heal, inspire and liberate us all.

Breath of Creativity, thank you for enlivening our lives.