The Childhood Memory That Programmed Me to Self-Sabotage

…And How I’m Rewriting the Code

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

I (Sophia) couldn’t understand why I kept abandoning my dreams. The answer was 30 years old, hiding in a hallway, listening to my mom on the phone.

I thought my problem was time management.

I’d devoured every book, every blog post. I’d tried every productivity hack. For years, I’d cycle through the same pattern: I’d start a project with fiery passion. For three, maybe four days, I’d feel incredible—aligned, purposeful, and satisfied.

Then, without fail, I’d abandon it.

Something “more important” would pop up. A website bug that had to be fixed. An inbox that needed to be zeroed out. I’d tell myself a very logical story: “Let me just tie up all these loose ends. I need a clear mind and a clean slate to do my real work.”

But by the time the slate was clean, my energy was gone. My real work—the writing, the recording, the creating—never happened.

I blamed my willpower. I thought I was lazy, undisciplined, a dreamer who couldn’t execute.

I was wrong. My willpower was fine. It was being held hostage by a story written decades ago. It took a 100-year-old book by Émile Coué to make me look for the puppeteer. He introduced me to the ruthless power of the subconscious mind, which he called the imagination:

“Not only does the unconscious self preside over the functions of our organism, but also over all our actions. It is this that we call imagination and it is this which contrary to accepted opinion always makes us act even and above all against our will when there is antagonism between these two forces.”

My will wanted to create. But a stronger force was making me act against it.

It took a moment of deep honesty to find the source of that force: a young girl, standing in a hallway, listening to her mom on the phone.

I was that girl. I had ranked second in my class for years, and I was proud. I worked hard. I knew who was first, and I was genuinely happy being second. It felt like my place.

Then I heard my mom’s voice, tinged with a disappointment I’d never heard directed at me: “Oh yes, she again has only ranked second.”

The air left my lungs.

The message my heart received was catastrophic: Your best will never be good enough. The highest effort you can possibly muster will still be a disappointment.

So, my brilliant, young mind made a survival decision: If you can’t win, don’t play the game. If your best is a failure, never give your best.

It created a saboteur, a protector, whose sole job was to ensure I never put my whole heart into anything ever again. That way, I could never feel the crushing pain of my “best” being found wanting.

For 30 years, I didn’t know this protector existed. But she’s been running the show ever since that day in the hallway. She made me a puppet, and I never even saw the strings. Coué saw them clearly:

“We who are so proud of our will, who believe that we are free to act as we like, are in reality, nothing but wretched puppets of which our imagination holds all the strings.”

Her strategy is genius: Productive Procrastination.

When I start getting too close to my heart-work—the work that matters so much it could be deemed “my best”—she swings into action. She doesn’t tell me to be lazy. That would be too obvious.

Instead, she makes me productive. She creates a compelling, logical, and urgent case for doing everything except the important thing.

• “You can’t write an article with a messy website! Fix it first!”

• “How can you record a video with unorganized files? Organize them first!”

• “Your inbox is full! You can’t possibly focus with that hanging over you.”

She is the ultimate Streamliner. Her justification is always about creating the “perfect conditions” for genius to strike.

But her real mission is to run out the clock. To ensure I never, ever put myself in a position where I risk giving my best effort and having it be “only second.” Because if I don’t truly try, I can’t truly fail. I had believed so proudly in my free will, but Coué was right:

“If we open a dictionary and look up the word ‘will’ we find this definition: ‘The faculty of freely determining certain acts’. We accept this definition as true and unattackable, although nothing could be more false, this will which we reclaim so proudly yields to the imagination. It is an absolute rule that admits of no exception.”

How I’m Learning to Fire the Protector

You don’t defeat this kind of deep programming with a new planner. You defeat it with compassion and conscious reprogramming. The goal is not to fight the imagination, but to guide it.

“We only cease to be puppets when we have learned to guide our imagination.”

1. Acknowledge the Protector with Love. I don’t fight her anymore. When I feel the urge to suddenly reorganize my entire life, I stop. I say, “Thank you. I see you. I know you’re trying to protect me from that old hurt. Your job is done now. I’ve got this.” Acknowledging her presence disarms her.

2. Redefine “Winning.” The child’s definition was: Winning = Being The Best (First Rank). My new definition is: Winning = Showing Up Authentically. My worth is not tied to an outcome—a ranking, a viral article, a number of subscribers. It is tied to the courage of creating and sharing. This reframes the entire game.

3. The “Good Enough” Rule. I actively practice doing things “good enough.” I send the email with a typo. I post the video with imperfect lighting. I publish the article that feels 80% there. This is direct action against the old program. It’s a rebellion against the need for a flawless “best.” It proves to my subconscious that the world doesn’t end when things aren’t perfect.

4. The New Autosuggestion. My Coué mantra is no longer about time or joy. It’s about identity and safety. I repeat, every morning and night: “My best is more than enough. I am safe to share my voice with the world.”

This is how we rewrite the code. Not with force, but with a gentle, persistent persuasion of our deepest selves. We thank the old protector for her service, and we finally, gently, take back the strings.

What’s a story from your past that you know is still running your present? Sharing it, even just in the comments, can be a first step in rewriting it.

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All indented quotes in this article are from Coué’s book Self Mastery Through Conscious Autosuggestion*. If you’d like to read up on Coué’s wisdom yourself, feel free to explore it. It’s quick to read, a true classic, a treasure for life!

(*Amazon.com affiliate link: If you choose to click it and make a purchase, we may earn a small commission.)

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This journey of untangling our past from our present is what we explore in the Simple and Aligned Newsletter. It’s about building a life and business that feels good because it’s run by the adult you, not the child who got hurt. Join us here for more.

A Voice of Calm in a Sea of Turmoil

Affirmations for calming the mind and healing the soul

Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

Imagine this is your own voice speaking to you as "I am":​

I am grateful for being ever-present and
recognizing that I am the creator,
the dreamer of this dream.
​
I am joy. I am peace. I am divine intelligence.
I am the river of life. I am abundance.
​
I am the love that dissolves all pain.
I am the peace that quiets down all conflict.
I am the breath that pulsates through countless beings.
​
I am beauty that cannot be touched, only perceived by the inner-eye.
I am the healing voice that soothes all wounds.
​
I am the translucent light that pervades all space.
I am vastness that exudes power and grace with benevolence.
​
I am.
​
Let joy have no bounds. Let abundance and ease flow through me, to me, and around me.
Let peace infiltrate every cell of my being. And through all beings.
​
Joy. Beauty. Peace. Abundance.
All-knowing. Ever-present. Intangible.

Carry This Feeling Into Your Week with Us.

This moment of peace is real, and it can be your foundation. At the beginning of each week, we (Sophia and Cristof) deliver a brief affirmation to your inbox — a ‘Peace Anchor’ designed to center your week in the same energy you feel now.

Join our circle of conscious creators and add your energy to a community using the power of the mind to create a more joyful, aligned world.

No clutter. Just a quiet nudge back to your center.
Subscribe to our Weekly Simple and Aligned Newsletter

Online Community Comes Together To Heal Japan

Yesterday's Online Event Healing for Japan was simply moving.

People from around the globe participated to send their love and healing energies to Japan. The event brought together Bonnie Gold Bell and David Sun Todd of www.bellandtodd.com as well as Rod Krug of www.blogtv/People/didgerod. I joined in to moderate the event and to do a healing visualization of a healed Japan and a harmonious Earth.

The event was so beautiful. David and Bonnie gave us some insights into what the messages from our Mother Earth are and what do all the events that are unfolding right now, mean for us. David shared some deep messages that we was given which really resonated with everyone. Bonnie inspired us by sharing tools that we can use to get in touch with our inner self and maintain peace within us. 

After that part, I was delighted to take the Live audience through a guided visualization. This visualization was a visual journey, helping us to envision a healed Japan. We visualized how the nation of Japan and its people were completely healed and stronger than before. We went on to visualize a harmonious mother Earth with all the resident living in love and peace. 

We then listened to soul soothing music from Rod Krug. We played a lovely track from Rod's new CD Universal Dreaming. It was so beautiful and such a joy. It indeed helped us to go deeper into our visual journey and to send our healing love to Japan.

Then we opened up for questions to the live audience which David answered so eloquently and with such wisdom.

I really encourage you to listen to the show which lasts for an hour. You can go here to get the free replay: 

http://www.reflection-pond.com/healing-for-japan/

Beautiful Healing Image for Japan

So many people have come together to bring their healing energies for Japan. Here is the beautiful log that Manuel designed for our Event on Saturday. It is symbolizes the birth of the new coming out of the events. The bud that blossoms from the debris. Sending hope and love for recovery and rebirth. All loving energy to Mother Earth.

Help Heal Japan.

So many of us have this desire and urge to do something for Japan in the wake of recent events. All over the world, people are feeling that they want to do more than donate. They want to feel connected and support the healing of Japan.

I am very happy to share with you one such event that will take place this Saturday!

Healing for Japan Live Online Event.
Saturday, March 19th.
4 pm Eastern. 3 pm Central. 2 pm Mountain. 1 pm Pacific.

Come and join this special free Live Online Event that brings together wonderful people who all want to contribute to the healing of Japan.

Healing for Japan is envisioned to be an event that brings people together for sending our love, support and healing energies to the people of Japan and Mother Earth as both are recovering from the recent earthquake and tsunami. It will not only help the people in Japan but also give you an opportunity to connect with all those who have a desire to help in some way. Our loving and healing intentions sent out unitedly with one focus can have tremendous positive effect and so this event will do just that.

You can join by dialing in, via skype or via a link to hear it online. You will get this information when you register for the event.

To register for this event and get the call details, click here:
-->> www.reflectionpond.com/healing-for-japan/

Bonus: When you register for the call, we will send you a recording of the replay. So register even if you cannot make it live. You can listen in to a replay and still be able to send your healing intentions to Japan. 

I am so thrilled to share that amazing people have come together to create this event. During the Live Event, Bonnie and David creators of the Blessing the Time-Wave Project to help the world's shift through 2012, will talk about ways to connect deeply with Mother Earth and each other for the sake of blessing. Sophia guides us through a visualization to envision a healing of the people and restoration of harmony with nature. Rod will move us with Universal Vibrations, playing Native American flute and other healing instruments. Manuel sets the tone for all of us with the beautiful design for our event.

Register for this event and get the dial-in/webcast detals. Go here Now:
--->> www.reflectionpond.com/healing-for-japan/

See you on Saturday.

Warmly,

Sophia