126: On a personal note - Celebrating my mom

I don't usually share my personal life on social media, blog or here on the newsletter but today I am sharing on a personal note (Squarespace Web Design content will be back in my next email).
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The first half of September has been relaxed and easy going for me - by choice. I closed down the "tap" on 99Designs/Squarespace Marketplace to be able to spend some time with my mom who has been visiting from New Jersey. (Tap is my word of endearment for the client flow that comes from my profile on the 99D/SqMkpt platform). I did create a website in a day (sharing that in my next blog) and also cared for my Millionaire Web Designer coaching student. But overall it was mostly about being with Mom.
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My mom, Hema, has been an important influence on my life. Not just as a caring mother who instructed me to always sit on the front seat in my classroom growing up back in Mumbai. Not just as a nurturer who helped me excel in school (helping me to consistently rank 2nd in class from 1st grade through 9th grade). But also as someone who without batting an eye included my German husband into the family while so many Indian American mom's are hellbent that their kids marry other Indians - or more specifically those from their own language, region and religion. As soon as I mentioned to my mom that I would be marrying Cristof (see photo below) who is from Stuttgart, she made wedding preps with love and acceptance in her heart (same for my dad too, by the way, who embraced Cristof as his son immediately upon being introduced!).
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My mom is also the one who patiently encouraged me back in 2015 to look into Odesk (now Upwork) for freelance work when I was stumbling with my mediation workshop business. She also had never judged me for not working in the field of film after receiving my very prestigious NYU BFA in Film and then not implementing after receiving my master's degree in International Relations in Germany. Instead, going on to start a photobook design business!
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Thankfully, I took her advice and created a profile on Odesk which eventually became the place where I started getting hired for ConvertKit account setups along with Mailchimp email marketing and other such projects. I am now running a web design business that's bringing in $10K average months, allowing me to live in a beautiful natural reserve (in the Appalachian mountains dozens of miles away from a major city), work from home and have a positive impact on those whom I serve.
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I am grateful to my mom for all of that and much more. But most of all, I am grateful to her for the 20 years of waking up 3 in the morning to go do hard physical labor at a warehouse in New Jersey as a new immigrant from India so that we, the family, could survive and so that I could get a scholarship from her worker's union to go to NYU (+ lots of student loans!) and medical insurance for my Dad's heart which would have been totally unaffordable otherwise. And she did all of that with love in her heart and no expectations.
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And now as she enjoys her retired life, I only want to shower her with love and appreciation and make her life as comfortable as I can.

Thank you Mom for all that you have done for us and all that you are. I am so happy she was with me for two weeks this September.

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Trivia: My mom loves to draw and make illustrations. Plus she loves to create amazing dishes from around the world and of course, most delicious Indian foods from Dosa and Uttapam from the South to vegetable Biryani from the North of India.

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Your Turn:

Who are the people who have supported you on your entrepreneurial journey? Let me know in the comments.

Cheers to you and your abundant creativity,
🦄🦄🦄 Sophia

116: Becoming Like A Tree - How I am working through my content creation block

I feel like I have been censoring myself. Recently, when I got inspired to write a blog post or make video, I told myself that I already talk about it in my coaching program, so why post about it. When I got an idea on how web designers can raise their pricing, the thought arose, “I teach that within my coaching program”. Or when I came up with a perspective to share on how to handle the workflow of a design project, again my mind said, “Don’t you share that in-depth in the coaching program curriculum? Why give it away for free?”.

My Program Is Substantial. But That Shouldn’t Be A Reason Why I Don’t Blog On Those Same Topics

Yes, it’s true that I have laid out everything inside my group coaching program which is an exclusive program I created to help web designers build a thriving business - not just a six figure business but grow to a Million $ Net Worth. I share everything I know, share my emails, my processes, my strategies, and my game-plans. I show actual screenshots from within my business. It’s my way to pass on everything to other designers. It’s a fantastic program, my best work - if I may say so myself.

Because I have all my gems inside this program, when it comes to creating new blog and video content, I’ve censored myself. And this is exactly what I want to work through and break free from because I have been feeling suffocated. As if I can only talk about certain things and not others and my mind was not free to share and explore with my audience new ideas and perspectives.

My Wise Husband Speaks

So I asked my very wise husband for some guidance. Cristof, who is also the finance coach inside the program and an overall genius when it comes to finance, business and online marketing, shared an exercise with me. And I want to share it with you, in case, you too have some kind of a content creation block, or some kind of a block in your business.

He said, “Journal a response to this question, “Why is it worth blogging freely about what I know?” and then do this for a month every day.”

Why Is It Worth Doing …?

There are two key things to note about this exercise:
1. The question is very purposefully presented in a positive action oriented format. The question asks why is it worth blogging freely, instead of why is it worth letting go of this block. Both ways of posing this question will work for different people in different moods. For me, the former is easier to grasp because “blogging freely” is an action I can do, “letting go” is an action that feels abstract and intangible.

2. Cristof asked me to do this exercise every day. It can be a quick one minute journaling. And it’s okay if I come up with the same answers as the previous day. The key here is repetition. Clearly, this block is a result of some way of thinking, a belief that is deep in my subconscious. And just one time writing it may not be very effective (it can be sometimes, of course). We often need repetition for things to settle into the trenches of our brain and to replace old subconscious beliefs! So writing this out every day for a month will help me highlight the positive reasons and benefits of blogging freely and break free of the block.

So phrase the question in a way that it is tangible and action-oriented (blogging freely, in this case) and journal every day for a month.

Answers That Came Up For Me

I want to share some of the realizations of this simple exercise that are helping me breakthrough my content creation block:

Why is it worth blogging freely about what I know?

Because Nathan Barry (founder of ConvertKit) said to me, “Teach Everything You Know”. (He actually wrote this when he signed his book at his Craft & Commerce conference some years ago).
Because I have benefitted from others sharing freely.
Because I want to have a positive domino effect in the world.
Because knowledge is power only when it is shared and not when it goes to the grave with the knowledge-holder.
Because I can save years and years of time for a fellow web designer and that time saved is priceless for us as humanity.
Because I can help another designer be independent and stand on their feet and not have to kill their dreams before they had a chance to sprout and bloom fully.
Because I can show other designers how to earn $5-$10K monthly with web design services with ease and this kind of revenue can mean a world of difference for most web designers.
Because I believe that if an action can help even just 1 person in a small way, then it is an action worth taking.
Because there is no guarantee that I will have another day to share my experience meaningfully (because tomorrow is not guaranteed to any one of us.)
Because there are many avenues through which abundance finds its way to me, and the coaching program is just one of them.
Because sharing is what trees do; they share all that they have and in doing so they prosper naturally.
Because I am a creative being and restrictions on what I blog about is like putting a candle inside a vacuum.

Becoming like a Tree

The two key take aways from this exercise. One is that I must become like the tree. Trees share all they have. For example, they share their fruits which are eaten by birds who then pass those seeds in some other area and in this way new trees grow. That’s how they prosper. They let down hundreds and hundreds of acorns which the squirrels put away for their use but only use 20% of what they “plant" away! That’s wisdom! Share freely and simply in doing so we prosper and thrive. I just love trees!

Abundance Has Multiple Avenues

The other key realization for me is to remember that abundance has multiple channels to find me. I have been narrow-minded in thinking that just one program will be the main source of growing my business. But abundance has found so many different avenues to come into my life already and I know that there’s more than one channel that it uses to get to us. The ocean has rivers flowing into it from all directions. And as self-employed web designers, we are like the ocean; not dependent on any single source for our income. It is freeing to think this way and to remember the vast and infinite possibilities that exist.

Now, It’s Your Turn

So my dear, web designer, if you find yourself in a situation where something feels suffocated, or you are inadvertently stifling your creativity or sense of ease and peace, journal to receive some breakthroughs. Ask yourself a positive action-oriented question starting with, “Why is it worth doing …xyz?” And see what comes up as insights and inspirations. Share in the comments for us all, if you feel inspired!

Cheers to you and your abundant creativity,
🦄🦄🦄 Sophia

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One needs an abundant mindset for creating content!

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112: What I need to feel successful

One month of 2022 has come to an end. January, goodbye. Hello, February!

Financially, this was again a record month. I got to build Websites In A Day and serve clients with a variety of website related needs. I am grateful.

As I step into the next month, I remind myself of what’s important in my life and business. At the moment, I run my web design business and although I have some leveraged products and offers, majority of my revenue does come from one to one services. That means I am exchanging my time for dollars. And even though I enjoy my work designing websites and solving website related problems, I know that at a certain point, I will need to find other ways to grow my business so I have a greater sense of time and ease.

What I need to feel successful?

So I am asking myself, what do I need to feel successful? Is it x amount of money in the bank? Is it x amount of time during the day, week and the year? Is it praise and appreciation from my clients and students of my programs?

I think what it comes down to is this: I want to feel financially free.

I want to feel and be financially free. I want to know that if I want to read all morning sitting in my hammock, I can do that. Or if I wanted to make videos all day of streams and waterfalls or of birds and the sky then that would be fine.

I am clearly not there yet. I am working on creating a life where I can experience that level of freedom. I am not interested in fancy cars or precious jewelry or big mansions. I don’t yearn to be famous or be celebrated. What I want is to simply have the choice to sit in my hammock and read an inspiring book all morning. Or take my video camera on a hike and watch droplets fly into the air as the sunlight hits them creating a rainbow of glistening colors. These videos would help people feel a moment of peace in their lives, a quick escape to nature even when they live in concrete city jungles. And I want to do all that knowing that my family of husband and cats will be provided for and I can support animal shelters that take care of all the animals in our area. And then I can also design websites or do coaching calls from time to time.

So in essence it is not so much the money but the freedom of choice and freedom of how I use my time that the money can offer that I am wanting to create for myself.

I believe & I know that this is possible!

I know that this dream is possible as many others have done it. That level of financial freedom is what will make me feel successful. Until I get there, I will make my plans and strategize my way so I can become financially free and help others do the same. And in the meantime, I am grateful for all that I do have and all that I get to create through my web design business. That’s a true blessing.

It feels vulnerable to write this all out in a public post. I’d love to know in the comments what would make you feel successful right now.

Peace,

Sophia

096: The Poison of Comparison

As web design business owners who want to grow our businesses, we are often on the look out to learn from others. We see successful designers or online entrepreneurs and get inspired. But sometimes, our mind goes into thinking we are not good enough thoughts. Here’s my experience with this tendency and how I help myself get back on the right track.

It happens much less often to me than before but it does pop-up from time to time in my mind. Thoughts that say:

”I am not there yet.”
”I am not good enough.”
”She can do it, then, why can’t I?”

Let’s talk about the last one because it can throw you off when you least expect it. It happens like this: You are working on client projects. You are working on your acquisition goals, creating the content and then some how you land on a post or and email or a piece of content created by one of the entrepreneurs you look up to. Someone whom you admire for what they have built and how they show up in the world.

At first, there may be a sense of amazement and wonder. But out of nowhere you may start thinking, “Ah, man, how come this is not happening in my business. How come I am not there yet! How is it that she can do it and not me? What’s wrong with me? I am not good enough. I am still not there where I want to be!!”

The Poison of Comparison
Let me give you an example. I recently saw something written by someone I am a huge fan of. This entrepreneur has really helped me through her videos, blogs, courses, and her books on up-leveling my business. I am totally inspired by her and uplifted by her. And have been for several years. She has built multi-million dollar business while having a busy life and raising a family and that’s just been awe-inspiring for me.

So, in one of these posts she wrote about the importance of creating content and how she has not missed writing and sending out a weekly newsletter for the last 12 years or so.

When I read that, I was first amazed. “Ah, that type of consistency is remarkable”, I thought. Then, I began feeling this sense of lack. I know that I have created lots of youtube videos, spending hours and hours on creating and editing them. This blog itself is no. 96. But I definitely have not been able to publish on a weekly rhythm for years on end. And this awareness of not having been able to produce such regular content started to gnaw at me, to bother me.

But this type of thing has happened before and I caught myself this time.

And if I don’t catch it in time, these thoughts can spiral downward and can lead to a full-blown pity-party mired in self-doubt and feeling a sense of overbearing burden and struggle.

I don’t hear many web designers talk about this. This is not in our content feed - at least, not in mine. But I feel it is so important to talk about this. Because these types of mindset obstacles set us back more than any gaps in skills or knowledge around web design and marketing.

It’s this mental virus of comparison that often poisons our progress to greatness.

Rebuttal like a Lawyer
So what to do about it?

1. The first thing to do is to simply become aware of the type of thought that’s emerging and the feeling that you are getting in your body. I often feel a heaviness in my chest and a tension in my shoulders. And breathe into it. It’s important to not fight that feeling but step into awareness and acceptance: “Ah, okay, this is not feeling very good. I am having this type of thought right now”.

2. Then, you have to put on a lawyer hat. Lawyers present evidence and they make a case for why they support a certain statement. When you have these thoughts of “I am not good enough” or “why have I not done like so and so”, you must bring out the rebuttals. You present statement to your mind that support the contrary.

For example, you can begin by saying, “I am good enough. Look all the _________ you have created or done (insert success evidence)”.
Then bring up a very true statement such as, “You cannot compare your success trajectory with someone else’s. There are so many different factors involved. And we are each on our path.” Being Buddhist, I also remind myself of Karmic patterns and that often soothes me.

So we need to offer rebuttals to our selves on why we cannot be comparing ourself with another. And also present all the good things we have done and accomplished despite challenges and roadblocks. “Look at what you have done even though you faced ________ (insert past struggles challenges, and roadblocks).

There are other ways to go about it but the important thing is to remember that we need to help ourselves and lift ourselves from thought patterns that are not helpful. And we need to that actively. Catch yourself when you find thoughts of comparison showing up - even if in a small way. We can begin to train our mind on the small occurrences - which is easier to do than when it’s full-blown pity-party!

This is a message for any web design business owner who is driven to create success in her business. This mental roadblock may emerge on your path in different forms and it’s important to address it now with love and kindness.

Well, I hope you found this helpful. Thank you for reading and I wish you a peaceful and harmonious day.

To your success,

Sophia

Bhante Vimalaramsi Visits High Country Meditators April 14

I am super excited to announce that for the second time, Bhante Vimalaramsi of the Dhamma Sukha Meditation Center is joining our weekly online Zoom meeting of the High Country Meditators. He will give us a dhamma talk with references to suttas, the Buddha’s teachings, as well as his own experience of over three decades being a Buddhist monk. His wisdom will guide us in our own meditation practice as well as in every day life.

The session will conclude with a Q&A session. Please come prepared with your questions about meditation, the Buddha’s teaching or how to deal with life’s ups and downs better.

Date: Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Time: 2 pm to 3 pm EDT.

The event is free of charge.

Sign up is no longer possible. Watch a recording here: https://youtu.be/NogU-_h4yIo

Why rearrange your priorities?

Banner Photo by Nikolay Zakharov on Unsplash

Why Rearrange Your Priorities?

“Insight into death rearranges your priorities.”
- Ajahn Brahm, British Monk living in Bodhinyana Monastery in Australia

During these days where the world seems to be grasped by the events surrounding COVID-19, the above quote from Ajahn Brahm makes a strong point. It’s not just death but the ongoing uncertainty and the realization of how things are impermanent that makes us reassess our priorities.

It’s not that this situation is unique to the spread of the virus. In fact, it was always like this. There was always uncertainty. There was always impermanence. There has always been death around us. But the current situation has simply underscored and highlighted these realities more than before. In fact, it has also brought into focus the stupidity and ignorance of us human beings, it has brought to the fore our own suppressed emotions which may have been residing in the deep recesses of our minds and hearts. Whatever was in the background, quietly hidden behind our blurred vision of our world and ourselves, has come starkly into view and has taken up residence front and center in our awareness.

So, what is it that we need to do?

Process Emotions
When feelings are arising in you, take that as a welcome opportunity to clean out old residue of unprocessed emotion. All that is required is: to acknowledge the emotion, notice it, and become aware of it. The task at hand may be simple but not easy. The emotion will slowly dissolve when you fully give it your attention and care. Not wanting it to go away, just allowing it to be and allowing it to fade way. Just like clouds arising in the blue sky. You watch them appear and slowly they disappear. The biggest hurdle you will create is to want to stop the emotion or want it to go away - in other words, resisting it instead of being present with it.

Process Things
As you stay at home more than normal due to the lock-downs or due to self-quarantine, you will be faced with your stuff even more. By stuff I mean things, objects, papers, furniture, decor, bedding, household items, books, jewelry, electronics, shoes and so on. This is a golden opportunity to let go of anything that has not served you well or has served you and is ready to move on. Things that you didn’t even notice before, now suddenly stand out because you are home more and see it more. Use this chance to assess what needs to go. Things hold energy and as you release them, you open up energetic channels within your body, within your home and even within your bank account to receive what is truly nourishing and uplifting for you. I remind myself this concept with a bookshelf metaphor: Let’s say I have a bookshelf filled to the brim with 50 books. But I want a 51st book that will truly serve me right now. I cannot put it on the bookshelf unless I make room for it and let go a book that has already served me. It is time to let go in order to make room for the new. A really good resource for decluttering things is this blog: Be More With Less

Process Time
By process time, I mean assessing what are the things that take up your time. Even without the virus amongst us, we are aware that we only have so much time on this earth. Sooner or later, our time shall come to shed this body and move on to a new life. So what are we doing with this life, with the time on our hands. Are we wasting it away on mindless social media? Are we spending it carelessly on that which is not wholesome and nourishing? We all do this in some form or another. How can you be vigilant of your time just like one would be of a tap that is endlessly running. We want to close that tap and conserve the precious resource of water. The same we want to do with the tap of time that we have left open. But first, we need to look at our day and see where the leakages are. The most common ones are social media and entertainment. For me, it is Facebook. I have tried to limit my time on FB but the habit has been set. My only option right now is to quit cold turkey. And today I will be sending a note to my friends that I will be ending my FB presence. I know that it will disconnect me from the life of many of my friends. But I’d rather have meaningful quality time with them via Facetime or Skype and eventually in person (after the quarantine and lock-down period is over, of course), than to superficially watch their life from afar. I want to plug those holes that are sucking out precious time away from that which truly matters to me.

Process Priorities
This one is linked to the process time bit. It may be easier to look closely at what your priorities are. If you have no idea what your priorities are, read this blog and do the exercise to find out what truly matters to you. Have your priorities written down on a piece of paper. I keep it in my journal and see it once or twice a week and sometimes every day. It serves as a guide to recalibrate my actions and my activities when I go off course. When one reminds oneself that we have limited time, and the events of our world bring that fact closer to our awareness, we start to reassess - what do I really want to do, how can I really be of use to others, how do I want to redesign and rearrange my time and my priorities.

When you invest the effort and the time in reassess the various areas of your life, you will find that there is much you can do to get in alignment with what’s in your heart, with what brings you true satisfaction and true fulfillment. It’s not an easy path and that is why so many people default to an un-assessed, mindless way of living. It takes time to reflect on our life, it takes courage to let go, it takes patience to see the benefits over time. It’s also not easy because we don’t see anyone in our life doing this and setting an example for us. So we go and seek out those who do. And they are out there. You can find them on the internet, you can find them in monasteries and nunneries, you can find them through books they have written or good deeds that they are doing. Find those that inspire you and then read their work, watch them speak, learn and implement what they teach so you can see for yourself if it makes sense and if it is of any value for your life.

Impermanence, uncertainty and death are part of life. Realizing and understanding them as characteristics of life, can help us live intentionally that gives meaning and fulfillment to us as we take courages steps to continuously reassess, reflect and make positive changes in our lives. It’s a gradual path and an ongoing process of change.

Much love and peace,

Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see the books that inspire me, see the books I love here.

*There are affiliate links on this site. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:

Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too (You are reading it)
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process
Jan 21st: What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Share with us how you are rearranging your priorities or sticking with what’s there.

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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Uplifting Audiobooks: A Collection

Uplifting Audiobooks: A Collection

Banner Photo Source: Photo by Dedu Adrian on Unsplash

The year was 2017. I had just come back from my first 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat in Georgia, USA. It was there that I learnt about the non-profit publishing house, Pariyatti. I went online and found so many free and for pay books and audiobooks. I selected my first audiobook from there, The Art of Living from their online streaming platform. It was there that I saw a note that said, anyone who would like to volunteer to record these audiobooks please contact us here.

That’s how I got started. By now, we have recorded three audiobooks. And I just got the green light to record an audiobook for a work by Ayya Khema. I am super excited. I am happy to share them with you here:

Stream/Download: You can either stream the audios on the website itself. Once you click the link of the book below, you will see the streaming section. It will look like the screenshot on the right. You can play the audio right there.

Or click the three dots on the very right to download the audio.

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Note: Descriptions have been copied from Pariyatti’s website.

1. Inspiration from Enlightened Nuns

Narrated by: Sophia Ojha Ensslin

“In this audiobook we will be exploring poems composed by the Arahat bhikkhunīs or enlightened Buddhist nuns of old, looking at these poems as springs of inspiration for contemporary Buddhists. Most of the poems we will consider come from the Therīgāthā, a small section of the vast Pali Canon. From the poems of the enlightened nuns of the Buddha’s time contemporary followers of the Noble Eightfold Path can receive a great deal of instruction, help and encouragement. These verses can assist us in developing morality, concentration and wisdom, the three sections of the path. With their aid we will be able to work more effectively towards eliminating our mental defilements and towards finding lasting peace and happiness.”

https://store.pariyatti.org/Inspiration-from-Enlightened-Nuns-br-audiobook_p_4982.html

2. The Elimination of Anger

Narrated by: Sophia Ojha Ensslin & Cristof Ensslin

“The Elimination of Anger, by Ven. K. Piyatissa Thera is a helpful manual highlighting methods that the Buddha taught to help understand and deal with anger. It also contains two stories retold from Buddhist texts, The Reviler and The Anger-eating Demon. This is an audiobook version of this booklet. It can also be found in the book Collected Bodhi Leaves Volume III.”

https://store.pariyatti.org/The-Elimination-of-Anger--MP3-Audiobook_p_5104.html

3. Mudita: The Buddha’s Teaching on Unselfish Joy

Narrated by: Sophia Ojha Ensslin

“This audiobook of Wheel Publicaton No. 170 contains several short essays, one by the editor, Ven. Nyanaponika, and three by lay practitioners on one of the lesser known and too-little practiced sublime states of mind. Mudita, usually translated "sympathetic joy," was designated one of the brahma-viharas by the Buddha, one of the sublime, noble states of mind. How is it to be practiced and what are the implications of mudita on the spiritual path? These essays address those questions. Stream the audio using the audio player below or download as multiple MP3s or a single, long MP3 file (Duration: 71 minutes).”

https://store.pariyatti.org/Mudita--MP3-Audiobook_p_4895.html

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More Audiobooks:

Pariyatti has many other audiobooks that you can find here: https://store.pariyatti.org/audiobooks. And you can also see all their other materials here: pariyatti.org.

We hope you will find them useful and will find inspiration and peace while listening to them.

Love,
Sophia + Cristof

How to craft a mini-retreat at home?

Banner Photo Source: Gaetano Cessati

How to Craft a Mini-Silent-Retreat at Home?

If you are doing a meditation practice weekly, that's already more than not doing any at all. A daily meditation anchors you even more smoothly to your habit of training the mind. It's the day-to-day maintenance to keep the weeds out and cultivate the roses of your garden. If you can bracket your day with a meditation in the morning and one in the evening, you are helping yourself even more. That's something we are working to make a habit of.

What's also helpful is a long retreat of three, five or ten days during which your sole purpose is to cleanse your mind, quiet the mind and go into the depths of your mind to dissolve the "defilements" of greed, hatred and delusion that lead to unwholesome thoughts, speech, and actions.

But when such a retreat is not feasible right away, a one day at-home mini-meditation retreat can come into play. You can do it yourself or with the help of a friend. This is exactly what we are doing this Sunday, starting with a mini-retreat for Cristof.

Three, Five, Ten Day Retreats

Taking time off to go on a ten-day meditation retreat is a wonderful way to rejuvenate our tired minds from the hustle-bustle of our busy lives and to deepen one’s meditation experience. I have done this thrice in the last few years and have found immense benefits of shutting off from the world.

But a ten-day meditation retreat is not always feasible. Many people may not have the opportunity to take ten days off from work and be away from their kids and family. Or the idea of a ten-day meditation retreat sounds simply too daunting. The costs are not necessarily a big factor because a lot of meditation retreats in the Buddhist tradition are donation-based, although traveling costs to those places may be a consideration. Or it could be that you have found a retreat center but it is full already or the next retreat date is months away. In any of those situations, a mini-retreat at home could be the answer.

What is the purpose of a mini-retreat?

A mini-retreat is time spent in meditation and introspection at home with the goal of withdrawing yourself from the daily activities and obligations and taking time to go inwards. It gives your mind and body the time and space to recharge. It allows you to decompress, process open emotional issues, and to be the witness to what’s going on. A mini-retreat can also help you take a breather after an intense period in your life - whether from a busy period at work or an emotional challenge or physical illness that you just had to tackle in recent weeks. Such mini-retreats sprinkled into your schedule can be very helpful to do throughout the year.

How to do a mini-retreat?

The mini-retreat can be crafted in a variety of ways to suit your specific needs and time availability. It can be laid out as a three-day retreat or a one day program or half a day session. Obviously, a three-day retreat allows you ample time to go deep in your practice while a half a day session is a quick dip into your inner-world and a day program can allow you just enough time to mix in a few different introspective exercises. Think of the half-day retreat as the essential building block. You can then repeat it twice to make the one-day retreat. And then use it again to carve out a three-day retreat schedule. See my example below:

The Half-Day Retreat Schedule

The Day Retreat Schedule

The 3-Day Retreat Schedule

Morning
Breakfast
Meditation
Reading
Watching a Monk/Nun talk on a Buddhist idea
Meditation

Morning
Breakfast
Meditation
Reading
Watching a Monk/Nun talk on a Buddhist idea
Meditation
Lunch

Afternoon
Walk
Meditation
Reading
Watching a Monk/Nun talk on a Buddhist idea
Meditation
Dinner

Repeat the Day-Retreat Schedule on three consecutive days. Alternatively,

Day 1 : Half Day Retreat Schedule
Day 2: Day Retreat Schedule
Day 3: Half-Day Retreat Schedule

* Note: Keeping noble silence is very helpful to quiet the mind. If you need assistance or need to convey an important matter for logistics of your retreat to your family, you may of course speak (but as minimally as possible).

As you can see, the main components of the retreat include:
1. Time for Meditation
2. Time for Reading
3. Time for Listening To A Monk/Nun or someone who can expound on meditation or spiritual matters

I have not included writing or journaling because that involves a lot of mental activity. But if writing down insights or ideas is part of your process, try it out but limit the time you do that during the retreat so that you can stay present with the other components of the retreat.

Regardless of what schedule you pick, a mini-retreat will allow you the space you need for inner-work.

Where to do the mini-retreat?

If you have the means to do it, rent a lovely Air BnB that is calm and peaceful. If you are doing this by yourself, see that you arrange for food and other needs before the retreat starts. Pick up food for three days and freeze it so you only have to warm it up.

If you can get your kids and spouse or friends on board to help you accomplish this, you can do this at home and it becomes even easier. See if you can have a bedroom or just a corner of the house where you will be undisturbed and without interruptions. When family members are involved in helping you, you feel an extra juice of support and love when they take care of household duties and all you have to do is focus on your retreat. Children can also be involved, for example, they can ring the bell when your meditation session is over or even join you in meditation if they already have been introduced to meditation before. Generally speaking, see that it is a retreat where you have the least contact with people because if you see your children in the room, their adorableness may distract you from the task at hand! But do what works. If your day retreat makes your children want to meditate, hey, that’s a wonderfully positive thing.

Mini-Retreat at Our Home

Let me share with you how my husband and I are planning on a mini-retreat at the end of this month.

We agreed that we each want to do an annual ten-day meditation retreat. But in the months before and after the retreat, we want to do a one-day retreat per quarter, so four times a year. Each one will be in charge of arranging the retreat logistics for the other. In that way, the person doing the retreat can truly have a break from all responsibilities and be present with their process.

So we will first start off with a day-long retreat for Cristof. We picked a Sunday. I will take care of preparing and serving breakfast, lunch, and dinner and have it served in the kitchen. I will also ring the bell to denote the transition from one session to another. Tea will be served throughout the day in between meal times. Cristof will pre-select his reading materials as well as audio teachings from a Monk or a Nun before the retreat day.

The room where he will do the retreat will either be my office or our bedroom. My office is quiet and sparse. My office has a desk, a chair and an IKEA lounge Flottebo sofa bed. There are no books, papers or other office supplies in that room as all those things are very “loud” and overwhelming for me when I work. I like to work in as empty and orderly a space I can find. That’s why the office also makes for a great space for a meditation retreat. But if Cristof finds the chair and desk and the sofa unnecessary, then we can set everything up in the upstairs bedroom which is even more sparse. We have two Japanese futon mattresses on the floor, a meditation cushion, a floor lamp, and an IKEA Stockholm side table. The mattresses can be rolled up and put away into the closet and the table can be moved to another room creating an empty room with no furnishings. Then all that will remain is a small lamp which can be used for reading. I think I will post some photos of the space that he uses just for ideas and inspiration for your own retreat.

Cristof’s Day Retreat Schedule

Morning
4:55 am Wake up
5:00 am Meditate
6:00 am Read (with tea)
7:00 am Meditate
8:00 am Dhamma Talk (Monk/Nun audio)
9:00 am Breakfast

9:30 am Meditate
10:30 am Read (with tea)
11:00 am Meditate

Afternoon
12:00 pm Lunch
12:30 pm Walk
1:30 pm Meditate
2:30 pm Read
3:30 pm Meditate
4:30 pm Dhamma Talk (Monk/Nun audio) with tea
5:00 pm End of Retreat

*Writing/Journaling as insights arise.
**Noble silence is maintained in the house by all.

Ultimately, it’s important to carve out an area in your home that will be suitable for your needs. Give it a try. It won’t be perfect but you will learn more about what is helpful and conducive for your mediation/silent retreat and what is not and make adjustments along the way.

Do let us know in the comments if you have done such a retreat and what were your experiences like.

Peace,
Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see what books have inspired and helped me, see my list of favorite books here.

*There are affiliate links on this site. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Have you done an at-home meditation retreat? What did you find conducive and helpful for your experience? What would you recommend others on their home retreat?

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too

Banner Photo Source: Shwetha Shankar on Unsplash

The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:
.
Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too (You are reading it)
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process
Jan 21st: What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

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Last week, I wrote about the process of finding out what’s truly important to you. I have been dealing with this question ever since I found myself feeling uncomfortable sensations in my stomach - a gut feeling that something’s not right and that something needs to change. (I wrote about this uncanny feeling in an article here and how you too can work through it).

What I discovered through this process was not something new - I had known this all along but now I became more fully and clearly aware of it. I became aware that one of the things I really want to do is to: ”Create videos, books, articles that help people live a life of happiness”.

But for that to happen, I need to make time for meditation, being in nature and being in silence. That’s because I can only help others through my own spiritual progress. I need to keep letting go and dissolving my negative mental states and shift into a positive state of love, equanimity, and inner-peace and then show others how they too can do this for their own lives. If I don’t intentionally allocate time in my life for that, then this cannot happen.

If you did the process of finding out what’s truly important, you too will have identified what is of essence in your life. But just knowing about it and being aware of it is not enough. You have to take bold steps and create the time and space in your busy life for it so that it actually manifests in your life. Otherwise, you become aware of it and then it gets put away in the back of your mind again or buried in some papers in a drawer somewhere. We need to make what’s important to us take up time on our calendar, it is to actually happen in our life.

Eight Hours a Week To Make Room For What’s Truly Important

So in order to offer these weekly classes to our community every Wednesday, we needed to block off one day a week for it. That means we have left 4 days left for our work week.

As I am self-employed running my web design and online marketing service, I do have a bit more freedom in planning my week. So, along with my husband, we decided to invest one day a week in writing, reading and meditating and volunteering once a week to facilitate a weekly meditation class for our community. (The classes are free to all - if you are in Boone, NC area you are welcome to come join us - see dates and location here)

And now we are both working only 4 days a week.

In other words, we have four days a week to earn our livelihood. We grew up around the 5 days a week work model and so this is an experiment. We know that we are not the only ones doing this kind of an experiment. Many companies are putting limits on the number of hours their employees work in a week, only to find an increase in productivity, creativity, satisfaction, and happiness of their teams. Some countries are even experimenting with a four-day workweek.

Make it Work for Your Current Schedule

This may or may not be possible for someone working a full-time job. But you can still carve out time in your workweek by getting a little creative. Start with an hour a day during the workweek. That’s five hours. Then, add an hour and a half on the weekends. That totals to eight hours a week. 8 hrs/week in this way = 1 day/week in our way.

Maybe it is only 3.5 hours a week for you or half an hour each day. You can carve out time in a way that works in your current schedule and still make it work. You will find that our lives are already filled with so many unimportant distractions that take up so much time - just remove those distractions and you will end up with more than enough time to devote to what’s truly important to you. Consider how much TV you watch or how much social media scrolling takes up your time. There are all kinds of distractions from useless conversations, activities that you said yes to that you only said yes to be polite, not saying no to all the people who want a piece of your time. It’s not easy, I know because we love our friends and the people in our lives. But you can start slowly, bit by bit.

How a 4-Day Work Week Impacts Our Income and Energy

How this change to a 4-day work week affect our productivity, income levels and time management is still something we are monitoring. Maybe our income will go down because there’s one day less to work on projects. Maybe it will go up because we’ve become more focused and productive (like all those studies show). I know that my time scrolling my Facebook feed has gone done tremendously this year because of our new plan because there’s just no time for it!

May be our current projects will overflow into the weekend. That actually just happened last week for my husband. He was working both Saturday and Sunday and now today is Monday and he is a bit ill because of a lack of rest. It sure is not easy to manage a full workload from a 5 day week into a 4 day week. Plus, our weekends are serious business usually - they are all about rest and recharging and so he is used to getting rejuvenated on the weekend to be at his best during the week. But without that weekend rest, it has affected everything. However, I know that this is part of our process. We have only started this new schedule six weeks ago. So there will be adjustment period and we may more such work overflows into the weekend.

But what I can say is that from volunteering our time once a week to the community towards a cause and a purpose that we deeply believe in (helping people find inner-peace through meditation), is very fulfilling for us. It has given us a deep sense of purpose and meaning.

And it has also contributed to an increase in actual physical energy on the days we do our meditation classes. We get a million things done on that day, starting from meditating in the morning, brainstorming topic for the class, drafting a 4 to 5-page handout, refining that text, printing copies for the participants, uploading the text to the blog, making a PDF version of the text for instant download, charging the batteries for the camera, preparing lunch, getting the gear ready (tripod, lav mic, extension cables, camera, water bottles), sending an email reminder to our group, driving to the center, holding our class, recording it, heading back home and picking up groceries on the way, transferring all the video and audio data to the computer, editing the two videos, rendering them, uploading them, publishing them, and embedding the videos on the blog and sending out an email with the link to the latest recording). All of this in one day!

On any other day, this would be a massive accomplishment leaving us drained. But on Wednesdays when we are holding our class for our community members, they give us enormous amounts of love, appreciation, encouragement, and energy. That’s how we can make it happen.

Saying No In Order To Say Yes

Of course, this has meant that we also have to say “no” to a lot of other invitations and activities - not because we don’t want to do them, or don’t want to hang out with the people in our lives. It’s just that we are still learning to get our most important goals accomplished in the time we have got. And to make time for what’s truly important to us has not been easy in light of all the external invitations and excitements all around us that we want to partake in. Brunch invitation from neighbors, lunch invitation from friends, a new art exhibit in town, this excursion, that gathering, that event, this conference.

But we have found that with a full-time workload, and working 4 days a week to come up with funds to pay all our bills, AND investing time in things that are truly important to us, we just cannot succumb to all of these invitations. That is why we have become more of a hermit/reclusive from the perspective of others, when it comes to social engagements. That doesn’t mean we don’t like to be invited to things. That always feels great to receive an invite. But we have just had to say no to a lot of things if we are to make time for our core goals and dreams happen - which already is not an easy task.

When you carve out a time slot in your calendar for the things that you want to pursue, the thing that falls under “most important”, you too will have to learn to say no to other very exciting things. And it may even disappoint others. But in order to make sure that what’s most important to you finds ample room in your calendar, you will have to say no to the other “distractions”. And saying no with love and compassion is an art and be sure to be kind in your refusals of invitations. People will understand when you outline what’s important to you and your own struggle with time to get that accomplished. You may even inspire others.

Find it! Find it!

Do take a few moments to do the introspective exercise I outlined in my previous blog post and then find the time in your calendar to devote to it. The exercise involves going over a handful of questions and seeing what answers emerge for you. Some answers may not be news to you. You may already know them. But the process will surely give you more clarity on what’s truly important to you. Then take out your calendar and find a time-slot where you can dedicate complete attention to this one thing that truly matters to you and take steps towards manifesting it in your life.

Peace,
Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see the books that inspire me, see the books I love here.

*There are affiliate links on this site. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Share with us how you are finding time for that which is truly important for you. Let us know in the comments how you’ve placed it in your calendar
and what you’ve had to say no to, in order to achieve this. If you are yet to make this part of your plan, tell us how you plan to do it!

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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The process of finding out what’s truly important to you

Banner Photo Source: Quino Al

The process of finding out what’s truly important to you

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:

Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important (You are reading it)
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process
Jan 21st What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

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If I were to ask you, “What’s truly important to you?” what would you reply? And are you taking steps towards that which is truly essential for you?

This question has once again become important to me because recently I found myself feeling uncomfortable sensations in my stomach - a gut feeling that something’s not right and that something needs to change. (I wrote about this in last week's article here). Not knowing what that “something” is, I have begun an introspective process for myself so that I can follow this inner-calling, figure out what the cryptic messages mean and then go about taking actions towards it. But before I can take action, I need to unearth from deep within me, what that message is and what that new path is meant to be.

Not knowing what’s important in one’s life is a plague that many of us are afflicted with.

Since this uncanny feeling emerged at the start of this year (2020), I have read the book, Goodbye Things by the Japanese minimalist author, Fumio Sasaki who says that reducing our necessary items to a minimum is one way of unearthing what truly matters to us. It's not the only way and minimalism is not a goal but a process of getting down to what's essential. There's no judging involved about how many things you have because as long as you know what's important to you and you are living the life you want to live, then things around really don't matter. But for most of us, our things and our activities cover up what we really want to do with our time here on Earth. And so letting go of things is part of this process.

Today, I am sharing something that's part of my personal story and it feels deeply vulnerable to put it down on in a blog. But sharing this with you is part of my healing and I want to share it in hopes that it may add another spark to your journey of healing and inner-peace.

For me, this process of getting clear about what's truly important began several years ago when I would repeatedly go down a spiral of sad, depressing thoughts. I was living in Germany at the time (2005-2007) and doing my graduate studies at Jacobs University in Bremen - a very rainy city. But a bit of what was happening before I got to Bremen.

The Volume That Buries What’s Truly Important

There have been times in my life that I’ve felt overwhelmed with volume. The volume of things, the volume of activities, the volume of emotions with no time or a way to process them. Then, there’s also the volume of information, the volume of social expectations, the volume of people, and the volume of noise.

This volume clouds and covers up all that’s truly important, valuable and meaningful in one’s life. Have you ever felt this? And because of all this crowding and clouding that’s going on, I’ve felt confused, unfocused and unclear about my next steps, even sad, depressed and hopeless. This was the time when I was living in New York and working at the United Nations (2001-2005). Every day, my job was to talk about all the things that the UN was involved in and each morning we had an hour-long briefing about the latest world news, filled with details of civil war, violence, and poverty which we then had to convey to the visiting public by memory. This went on for four and a half years. And towards the end of this period, I had forgotten who I was, what I’d wanted to do with my life and had spent zero hours on anything creative. Having done my undergraduate studies at New York University in Film and Television production and being a creative person part of my identity, I had honed that creative bone for three and a half years. Now, I had not done a single piece of creative writing. I was feeling empty and didn’t really understand the pent up emotions that I was burying inside.

All of that exploded or rather imploded when I moved to Germany to pursue graduate studies and to be closer to the love of my life whom I had just met and who lived in Germany. I found it incredibly difficult to get out of bed to even get to my classes and then, in between class days I filled up my time watching movies that I rented from a nearby automated rental shop just to drown out the confusion and spiraling sad thoughts. (Yes, this was pre-streaming days when DVDs were still in demand)! There were times when I would find myself weeping at the plight of wild animals who were being hunted to extinction and stray dogs and cats in developing countries that were being neglected to a life of utter misery. The news would throw me into a downward spiral.

This was increasingly getting unbearable.

I did have thoughts of being freed from this life of suffering and misery but thankfully in retrospect, I was too depressed with a lack of energy to do anything about it.

The Miracle Of One Book

Life is miraculous and you never know when the next turn of good fortune comes your way. What happened next might look like a trivial matter but it had a life-changing consequence for me. I went to visit my boyfriend (now husband) who lived four hours away from the town where I was studying. He had a collection of books in his bookshelf.

While he went to work, I decided to browse his bookshelf and find something to pass the time with. And there it was - my turning point. Among the many books he had there, there was one that caught my eye. It was a book by Steven Covey called, “First Things First”, that he had received as a gift from his Dad.

Once I picked up this book, I couldn’t put it down. I read it at home. I read it at the cafe. I read it on the tram. And it’s a pretty thick book, probably, the first book I had read that was for leisure and not for some kind of a class assignment. Graduate school doesn’t really allow time for leisure reading, in my experience!

You can get the book here.

Anyways, this book by Covey had a certain grip on me. I can’t remember any more details except two ideas which I am paraphrasing:

1. He wrote in the book that we need to focus on what we can influence. I think he called it our zone of influence.

and

2. Take a few moments after something is said or done and respond consciously and with good intent, instead of reacting.

The first idea literally freed me from my suffering for world events that I could not directly influence or change. It reminded me that instead of having my mind worry about faraway matters that I can have a minuscule difference on (or none), rather focus on my immediate life, surroundings, people and on most importantly on myself that I can most directly and massively influence. This was life-changing and I could feel a kind of a burden lifting from my heart.

The second idea was all too new and unfamiliar to me but it did capture my attention. I had thought of reacting and responding as just two ways of expressing the same thing. To be alerted that there was a difference alone was eye-opening. However, it was only years later that I truly understood the distinction between the two and even now am still learning and figuring out how to truly respond with compassion, patience, and equanimity.

Over the next ten years, I found my way to visualization and meditation exercises that have gradually liberated me from the burden of my own thoughts.

What’s Truly Important To You?

To find out what’s truly important, we do need to dig a bit deeper. Quieting the chaos, calming the helter-skelter life and slowing down the running around from here to there, is an important component of the process. When you look outside a moving car, you see the outside world but in flashes. As you slow down the car more and more and eventually to a standstill, you begin to really see the details of the scene outside. This is what we need to for our inner-world as well. In order to really see what’s going on in there, we need to slow down more and more and come to a complete stop. Then the insights, the wisdom, the clarity arises within us. That’s how we can get in touch with what’s truly important to us, what’s truly of essence in our own lives.

Sometimes, the stepping stone to slowing down and meditating is clearing up our outer world. Reducing our belongings and activities to only those that we consciously choose to have in our live - like the Japanese minimalist authors such as Fumio Sasaki and Marie Kondo propound, can be one way to help us slow down, and to reduce the volume that is filling up our lives.

Another way, is to do an introspective exercise of closing your eyes and allowing some questions to flow over you. You may hear, see or feel the answers bubble up to the surface in response to these questions. Some of these questions are:

What do I truly want in my life?
What do I want to create in my life?
What do I want to do with my time on this planet?
What’s of real essence?
What matters?
What is truly important to me?
What path can I take to find and create the above?
What one thing do I want to create, have or experience that will make all the difference?
If I could have it all my way, what would I truly want in my life?
If time and money were of no concern, what would I do?
If I only had six months to live, what would I do with my time?

You can journal your answers and see what emerges.

This is what came up for me:

What is truly important to me right now?

Time invested in meditation
Time invested being with hubby 
Time invested being with cats
Time invested being in nature, in silence

What do I want to create in my life?

Simple minimalist life with very minimum things
Happy life with no burdens
Lots of openness, spaciousness in my living environment
Creative expressions - in the form of writing and creating videos
Reading and learning about how to create a life of peace and joy
Creating more than enough income to support our life and needs (Cristof, myself, our cats, our parents)

What do I want to do with my time on this planet?

Create videos, books, articles that help people live a life of happiness

What path can you take to find that true peace, true fulfillment?

Write, create and publish
Grow a following of people who want to cultivate inner-peace and help them
Sell courses and books to make a leveraged income
First, simplify and declutter my things and my time

None of these answers was a real surprise, but to have this kind of clarity is very helpful as I move forward to create what’s truly important to me and experience it in my life.

Peace,
Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see more book recommendations, see my list of favorite books here.

*There are affiliate links on this site such as the one linking Steven Covey’s book. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
What do you think you will find when you remove the
excessive things and activities that fill up your life?

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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What decluttering your home shows you about the process of meditation

Banner Photo Source Roma Ryabchenko

What decluttering your home shows you about the process of meditation

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:

Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process (You are reading it)
Jan 21st What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

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”There’s happiness in having less”. That’s the first sentence in the book, Goodbye, Things written by the Japanese author, Fumio Sasaki. This morning, I took up reading this book for the second time as I am freshly in a new wave of decluttering my home. As I read the first few pages, it dawned on me that the process of decluttering - at least decluttering in the minimalist way - is similar to the process of meditation.

Sasaki defines minimalism as having two parts: “1. reducing our necessary items to a minimum, and 2. doing away with excess so we can focus on the things that are truly important to us.” He points out that we think having more and more things will make us happy. Whereas saying goodbye to things is an exercise in thinking about true happiness.

He radically transformed his cluttered apartment filled with collector’s items, books, knick-knacks, and clothes into a streamlined, tidy, spacious home filled with only the necessary items that he needs. This process of clearing out his home allowed him to get rid of false pride over rare cameras or showing off books that he never had time to read and many other personal changes he outlines like reducing his alcohol consumption, stopping to waste time watching TV, losing excess weight and treating women better. He says in the book that he feels happier now and he attributes it to his minimalist life.

You can get the book here.

The way Sasaki defines minimalism is how the process of meditation can also be similarly defined: 1. reducing our mental chatter to a minimum. 2. doing away with the excess distractions in our mind so that we can focus fully on the present moment. It is the cluttered mind full of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are unprocessed and in excess that removes us from our true happiness. It’s all the activities that we fill our lives up with. It’s all the experiences we feel we need to get a taste of. It’s all the places, events, attractions we feel we need to record. It’s all the things that we feel we need to see, touch or own. And there are countless other ways of filling up our minds and our lives.

When we can slow down, and start removing the excess that fills up our time, we can then sit down to meditate. When we sit down to meditate, we become instantly aware of the barrage of thoughts and emotions that seem to flood our awareness. Many beginner meditators seem to drop meditation after their first few experiences because they think they need to have a completely quiet mind in meditation. And since they notice the raucous cacophony of mental activity, they think meditation is not working. But it is working exactly as it is supposed to. In our daily lives, we are experiencing these thoughts and emotions but we don’t fully process them. We don’t have the capacity to do when we are moving so fast - just like when you are inside a moving car you can only see flashes of the scenery outside. It’s only when you stop the car, and start walking slowly and eventually when you stop and stand still, can you see the details of the scene before you. Similarly, when you sit down to meditate, you begin to see all that is filling up your mind.

And that experience is just like decluttering your home. You’ve decided to find the most necessary items like Sasaki or the things that spark joy like the author Marie Kondo and you’ve piled all the things into the middle of the living room.

You can get her book here.

Just like that, when you sit down to meditate, all your thoughts and feelings start rushing in to fill up your mental living room. When you are in reducing your belongings, you can’t just chuck out everything. In fact, Marie Kondo asks you to pick up every item and ask yourself, “Does this spark joy?” If it doesn’t, out it goes.

Similarly, in meditation, when you close your eyes and thoughts begin to arise, you need to look at that thought, observe it - as if holding an object in your hands. But unlike asking yourself whether it sparks joy, all you do is notice it. You are a silent observer. Notice the nature of the thought. And allow it to fade away like clouds in the sky. Some thoughts may be more intense, even more like strong emotions. In such a case, you work with these emotions. These emotions may be those of irritation, anger, sadness, frustration and so on. The Vietnamese Zen monk, Thich Nhat Than says that we need to care for our emotions, welcome them and care for them. How do you care for them? You take the role of a caring mother who holds a crying child to soothe it. Just by holding it and saying kind, gentle words to the distressed child, it starts to relax and calm down. You can do the same to your emotions that arise in meditation. Welcome those thoughts, emotions and give them love, give yourself love and compassion because you are experiencing them. In this way, your mind starts to calm down.

As you become more and more adept at the meditation process, your mind becomes calmer and calmer. Thoughts get processed just by your bare attention and awareness of them, allowing them to exist without judging or resisting them.

As the mind becomes quieter, space arises for peace and wisdom. Seeds of peace, compassion and wisdom that are already within you, start to blossom. You’ve removed the weeds of mental chatter and created the fertile ground for serenity and inner-peace to thrive. You are able to be present with what is, be present in the moment without resisting, just allowing and dissolving and processing everything your experience into peace.

This is the path of peace and happiness.

This is peace and happiness that we can experience here and now, not just sometime in the future or in the next life. So as I create a minimalist life for myself in my surroundings and in my mind, I begin to experience more and more peace, joy and happiness. Coming less from things and the outside world and more from within.

Peace,

Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see more book recommendations, see my list of favorite books here.

*There are affiliate links on this site such as the one above linking the Goodbye Things book by Fumio Sasaki. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Have you experienced the peace that comes from decluttering the mind or your home? What do these process have in common in your experience?

I’d love to know so please in the comments below.

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What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or elsewhere in your body? What does it mean?

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:

Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process
Jan 21st What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean? (You are reading it)

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Lately, I have been getting this feeling.

It’s a feeling that you feel in the pit of your stomach. It’s an uncanny yet familiar feeling that you have felt before. It tells you a lot of things about your inner-world. The main message it’s giving you is that “something is not right”. It’s a signal that is so strong and so clear that it is impossible to ignore. You may not know what to do with it but there it is strong and present right there - in your body.

I thought I’d write here about it so that if you are feeling this too, you will somehow be brought to this article. Intuition works in magical ways. So does Google and search engine optimization! ;-)

So, I am trying to figure out what to do with this feeling. But before that, let me tell you a bit more about the message I am getting.

Message That I am Getting

This feeling, this pit in my stomach, is telling me at least two things:

1. something is wrong

2. and that it needs to change.

What exactly is wrong that this feeling is alerting me to? It’s how I am spending my time day to day and it’s about what I want to experience in my life.

You see, every year in December, I do an introspection process to close out the last year and to set intentions for the new year. For 2020, I envisioned that I am feeling:

1. Peaceful - in mind and body and surroundings
2. Light - of few belongings, detached to those belongings, and free of ill will, anger, resentment, etc.
3. Happy - in my relationship with hubby, our cats, family and friends
4. Spacious - of few commitments, more time to study the wisdom teachings and to meditate
5. Useful - sharing the teachings of peace, supporting monastics and being helpful in household life
6. Calm and balanced - easy means of livelihood that’s sufficient, peaceful, leveraged, satisfying, and fulfilling
7. Grateful - feeling gratitude for every $ of income I earn

I wrote this out on Dec 28th, 2019. And now it’s Jan 21st, 2020. I am feeling an intense awareness in my body that some things need to change and I have this knowing that the message coming from my body is related to these 7 items I listed back in 2019 that I want to feel and experience in my life.

What To Do About This Feeling?

Now, I am not exactly sure what needs to change in my life or how I will go about doing this. But I know that my body and mind are in alignment and each day I only need to take one small step with awareness and intention.

I don’t have all the answers about this process and I don’t have to because all I need to do is the next best thing. And the next best thing. And if I am open enough to hear inner guidance, I will know what exactly I need to do.

So this is something you, too, can benefit from. Are you feeling a strange feeling in your body telling you something? You may not intellectually know what it is or how to resolve it but you are very clear that this feeling is there.

Here are three things you can do about it:

1. Let it be.
The first thing you need to do is to not resist it. What do I mean by that? First thing to do is to know that this is normal and natural and that you don’t have to get rid of it. It’s here with some important, powerful messages and it may feel uncomfortable but it’s exactly what you need to go through in order to come out on the other side with the gifts and blessings that this message brings you.

2. Next, do some journaling.
Write down in your notebook how this feeling feels. Describe where in your body you are feeling it or whether it is non-physical, more like a knowing. Write this all down. Then, ask your inner-self questions around it.

1. What does this feeling mean?
2. Why am I feeling it?
3. What message do I need to hear?
4. What one thing I can do next to understand it better?
5. Is there an action step you want me to take?

Now for some of you, this may be a powerful experience where all the answers come pouring down. But for those of you for whom the answers are not coming, just be patient. Just give it a try and then come back to it another day.

3. Sit Still.
If the writing doesn’t work, then just sit still with your eyes closed and ask these questions quietly to your self. Then, be present to the first image that comes to your mind. Just the first image. Pay attention to it and make a mental note of it. For some, instead of an image, you may get this “knowing” or an inner-sense of either what the message means or what the next thing you need to do.

You Are Being Guided

Be open. Be alert. Be receptive. Your inner-self is trying to make contact with you. You need to quiet your mind, shut out distractions and put in the effort to listen in and to find out. You are your best guide. All answers are within you. Just get quiet and listen in.

That’s what I am doing. Listening to the message on what I needed to do next. Writing this article was the next action I was guided to take. I dropped everything and sat down to write and the words starting flowing.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Have you felt this feeling in your body that is trying to tell you something? What kind of steps do you take when this happens? How did you act on it and how did this change things for you?

Let me know in the comments below.

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Stopping the freight train of the mind

It is not always easy to meditate in daily life. There are responsibilities and commitments that are so time-consuming. 

But when there is a group of like-minded people who all want to train their minds in a conducive environment together, that's a golden opportunity. So finding a group locally in your area to meditate with is very helpful for your practice. Meditating together helps us water the good seeds within us - that's because your presence in the circle helps each one of us feel a sense of community and belonging, something we all yearn for. 

If you cannot make it to a group meditation due to other commitments and reasons, or there isn't a group nearby, do take time to refine your practice, nevertheless. Use a guided meditation from YouTube or sit quietly in your room and gently bring awareness to your breath for 10 minutes. 

These 10 minutes will go a long way, especially when done every day. And it is not about having the perfect 10 minutes - that's too heavy of an expectation for our practice. The only thing to do is - Show Up to our meditation practice. Even if those 10 minutes are full of a wandering mind, so be it. At least you showed up and made a meaningful effort to calm the mind. 

This reminds me of a story I heard one of the monks relay. There was a man who got a job and he showed up on Monday for work. At the end of the day, he returned home to his wife and complained that he didn't get paid and was thinking of not going to work the next day. On Tuesday, he did go to work but came home empty-handed. The next day, he did a whole day's of work yet no paycheck. He told his wife that he still didn't get renumerated for his hard work and was thinking of quitting. On Friday, he managed to bring himself to work and put in an honest effort. 

As he was leaving, he was stopped by his boss. She gave him his paycheck! Delighted, the man went home happy to his wife.

Sometimes, we too, think of our meditation like this man. On day one we want a calm, peaceful mind and go into deep meditative states. Each day we think - ah, it's not bringing me any results, why meditate? But it is only after repetitive training of the mind that it learns to quiet down. How quickly it calms down has at least something to do with how long and how fast it has been running around all those years. Just like bringing a bicycle to a complete stop is far easier than bringing a freight train to a stop, bringing a mind habituated to wandering takes longer to slow down than a mind that has been practicing for a while.

Eventually, one day you will experience peace and serenity and delight of the mind that surpasses all other worldly pleasures and comforts. So let's help ourselves now by training our minds slowly and gradually.

Much love,

Sophia

I realized the power of meditation when I experienced intense pain

Last week, I had to undergo an unexpected surgery. An intense pain developed over the weekend which sent me straight to the Urgent Care who sent me to see a surgeon. The reason I am telling you this is because it happened just before my March 27th presentation which is all about navigating pain through meditation.

Now, I felt that I was fit to talk about this subject because I used to have extremely debilitating menstrual cramps for years before I began using meditative techniques to reduce the pain and stress. But life had a different plan. 

Before the surgery was conducted, I went through excruciating pain over the weekend with nothing but my meditation practice and a loving husband to get me through it. Having never gone through anything like that before in my life, this was a brand new territory for me and a very potent learning ground. I hope to tell you more about the fruits of that experience in a future blog (or if you are in the Boone, NC area then on March 27th), but all I want to leave you with is this:

Meditation is not a luxury. It is a vital tool for navigating the real mess this life we live. Everything may be going well for you now so you may not feel the urgency of developing a meditation practice - I get it. We, humans, tend to do things only when we are fully convinced of its value. And if everything is going well for you right now, then that's really good. Take the opportunity of good conditions and practice meditation as much as you can.

It was when I could continuously place my attention on my breath, that I could feel relief from the intense physical pain. It was in those moments that I realized how far I still need to go in my practice. But I also became aware of how far I had come. Had I not been practicing meditation so far, the pain would have been completely overwhelming for me. 

Meditation is a balm that you can apply now so you can handle any injuries in the future with ease and find relief from suffering.

Love,
Sophia

Mindfulness for solving biz problems

Hello there,

This morning I conducted a live FB chat with my friend Julienne DesJardins for her FB Group Solorpreneur Strategy. We talked about how to use mindfulness to solve business problems and as a result grow your business and impact.

I'm sending out a worksheet with a mindful process and examples of how you can use it in real-life scenarios. If you'd like that, please fill out the form below. You will also be automatically added to my newsletter list from which you can unsubscribe at anytime. So here it is:

Please fill out the form with your contact and some of your current issues that cause emotional distress and mental anxiety or in general make you uncomfortable.

Download of Mindfulness Worksheet for Business Growth

Thank you. If you have specific questions, please add them to the form above as well. I will be emailing you the worksheet in a few hours. 

Peace,
Sophia

Create Your Happy New Year!

The New Year brings the energy of a fresh start. Like turning to a crisp blank page in your notebook or walking on untouched sand or making the first brush stroke on a blank canvas, we have a brand new year to do, create and be that which we want. Resolutions and plans are a great way to anchor those new goals. And I certainly have done my share of those in the past. But it has not always worked for me because the focus of those goals was too much on an end result and nothing else. 

Instead, this is what works for me: 
Starting with the question, "How do I want to feel in 2019?", I journal whatever answers come up. Then, from there I identify what action steps will help create those feelings for me. And then schedule it as a task in my calendar which puts focus on what actions I will take rather than the end result I am aiming for. When you take those actions on a consistent basis, you start to get inspired, you build your confidence and enjoy the process. And often, you enjoy the process so much that the end result becomes irrelevant. This lightness about it all then makes it all the more possible that your goal, the end result you are wanting to create, actually comes to fruition in your life.

Putting it into action:
For example, one of the things that came up when I asked, "How do I want to feel in 2019?" in my recent introspective break was this: "I feel that my home is utterly neat, clean, bright, minimal and streamlined". Then I ask myself what action steps will I need to take because a neat, clean, bright, minimal and streamlined home will not just appear to me sometime magically in the year! I wish ;-) Well, the answer was: On Saturday mornings, take an hour or so to clean out the pantry and for caring for the home. Now this action step goes straight into my calendar as a weekly action step. And each time, I complete that task, I will get the feeling I was going after in the first place. This then goes on to have a cumulative effect week by week which will result in a continuous feeling that I want for my home.

This was an example from my personal life but I apply it also to my business, my health, my creative aspirations and any other aspects of my life that are important to me.

Here are the steps again:
1. Ask, "How do I want to feel in 2019?" Write down your response.
2. Ask, "What action steps will I need to take to help create those feelings for me?” Write down answers and pick one or two tasks.
3. Schedule it in your calendar as a daily, weekly or a monthly task (or even an annual task - ex. big family reunion). 
4. Repeat it for all aspects of your life that are important to you.

The most important step: Step 5
What I love about us humans is that we are constantly wanting to change things, make them better. But what I also have noticed about myself and others is that in this quest to make things better, we become so caught up that we forget one thing. And that is to be kind to ourselves. Making resolutions and plans and action steps is all great but if you will beat up yourself at every missed step, then you are not being kind. I'd rather play the piano really badly while being kind to myself than be a piano virtuoso who is impatient and unkind to herself, you know what I mean? So please remember that if you skip the gym or miss your daily commitment to journal (or whatever action plans you've chosen for yourself), just brush it off, consider it a learning lesson and start fresh again. Each day is the first day of your life - we don't have to wait for the next new year's day to start again! ;-)

Be kind to yourself and create a happy new 2019!!

Love,
Sophia

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Want to meditate with me in Boone? We have new dates for a monthly event.
I am super excited to announce that the Life Long Learners' group in Boone, NC has arranged with the Lois E. Harrill Senior Center to host a monthly Meditation + Presentation event! Here are the dates we have confirmed and I'd love to meet you there. The events are free of charge and during each event, you will participate in a guided meditation, hear a short presentation on the topic of the day and have time for sharing your personal experiences. 

Time: 2 pm - 3 pm, 4th Wednesdays
Venue: Lois Harrill Senior Center, 132 Poplar Grove Connector # A, Boone, NC 28607
Cost: free to the public

Dates:

Jan 23rd, Wednesday:  Starting Fresh - Why you need a daily meditation practice and 5 steps on how to set it up in your life.

Feb 27th, Wednesday: Practice of purification of past negative karma. 

Mar 27th, Wednesday: Understanding the Buddhist concept of impermanence, Karma, and breath meditation to deal with physical pain.

Apr 24th, Wednesday: Living wisely today to experience a peaceful death - whenever it happens.

May 22nd, Wednesday: Putting Meditation into Perspective - Understanding Buddha's Noble Eightfold Path to Enlightenment.

PS: If you want to check if the Center is open or not during inclement weather, please call the Center at (828) 265-8090.

See you there!

050: Why I am taking three weeks off and the 8 mistakes I’m learning from

Why I am taking three weeks off and the 8 mistakes I’m learning from

I usually don’t write about the entrepreneurial journey here on the blog but I do think it is relevant because, you, as my reader, get to know a bit more about the person behind the words and videos that show up on this site. I am taking my first three week break of my working year starting this month and going into October and I feel this is a good time to share what the backstory to this break is.

The journey begins
My current journey began back in August 2016 when I got hired to set up my first email marketing platform for a client. From then on, I was completely hooked into making it happen with an online business. I made some rapid progress in those early months and I worked long hours without a break. I was making revenue that inspired me to keep upgrading my skills and my services. I enjoyed it.

Hardly did I know that such non-stop perseverance comes with a price. Often you will hear about entrepreneurs working so hard that they lose sight of their health and their family. In my case, because of some earlier established good habits, I always made time for my family and my health. But there was something else that was close to my heart that I completely ignored and dropped from my schedule.

And that was: learning about the nature of the mind and meditating.

I completely ignored something close to my heart.

Now, I love to learn so during the time when I was working on projects for clients, I continued to read books and articles and took trainings on all things online marketing and web design. But my inherent need to understand how my mind works got completely off my priorities.

I no longer sat in my living room reading about my favorite topic. I hardly invested time for meditation. And the result:

I lost my drive for my business. The immense enthusiasm that I held for my business and working with clients faded away to such an extent that I couldn’t connect with my purpose.
”What am I doing all of this for?” “What is my purpose"?” “What is the meaning of all of this?”

Overwork and ignoring my need to learn about the mind led to me losing all drive for my business.

I sank in a hole in which I wanted to shut down everything and just go be with my cats (I love my cats immensely, you see). I know that sounds crazy. But I dropped into a mini-depressive state where things that used to excite me didn’t any more.

I decided to take a break from business - but in my mind I was shutting down my business.

The shutting down begins
This all started in August 2017. The business that I had worked so hard on building - I was now in the process of ending. By October 2017, I wrote to all my clients that I will no longer be doing email marketing projects. I deleted all my client projects and emails. I made a note in my calendar to cancel my business email when the date arrives for renewal. By January, I embarked on recording 12 meditation audio tracks for my personal development site - this way I was taking my mind off my business completely.

I had ended the renewal of my domain sophiaojha.com and even cancelled my annual Squarespace plan to host this site. I wanted to shut everything down but I still had one client whom I had promised to help with his email marketing set up. He had already hired me many months ago but he was waiting upon his designer to get the site ready before I could start on my project. This client was truly a blessing in disguise and because of that open project, I had to keep my site open until end of Feb.

This is Mighty playing in the snow, experiencing his first winter! Watching him play with this leaf took away much of my entrepreneurial blues :-)

This force-break helped me to heal my lack of enthusiasm. And as a result, I gained immense clarity and focus for what I did want to do in my business.

By March, I had more than 6 months of healing from my lack of enthusiasm and energy. I had gone deep within myself, understood the symptoms and re-connected with what I wanted to do with this one life I have to live right now. Slowly I was recovering from my lack of enthusiasm. In fact, I was getting so much clarity and focus about what I did want to do in my business.

What I realized was: I realized that the problem was not the business or the topic of my business. It was how I was running it and how I was not fueling my inherent needs (see point 7 and 8 below). I saw at least 8 things I was doing “wrong” that zapped the life out of me in my business.

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8 things I did wrong that led me to shut down my service-based business last year (which you may want to consider avoiding in your business).

I am sharing this with you so you may see if you are falling into these traps yourself and avoid them before they get out of hand.

1| I was undercharging.
I had put a lot of time in getting good at what I do. But because I was at the start of my business, I undercharged for my services. (I’ve read we, women, are really good at that. Suze Orman inspires us to do better!). This undercharging meant I worked more and more but didn’t see the proportionate increase in my revenue.

2| I was over-delivering while undercharging.
So, not only was I undercharging for my services, I would do double the amount of work for the same rate, in order to take care of my clients. I recognized that they too were solopreneurs like me (felt camaraderie for the common entrepreneurial journey) and delivered twice than what I was charging. Yes, it is said that women are the hardest workers in any team and I surely fit that description. Often, clients never noticed that; although I noticed how late I was going to bed.

3| I was underreporting on my timesheet.
There were (and still are) some clients that hired me for 10 hr packages. I don’t know what it was but I tended to state 15 minutes if I worked 25 minutes. I still tend to under-report my time (working on fixing it) and I think that added to the stress of my work over the course of the ensuing months.

4| I did things extremely fast but didn’t charge for it.
As I got better at what I did, I got extremely fast. I could set up an entire system in an afternoon what otherwise would have taken days. I had cultivated laser-focus and an ability to shut out all distractions. I delivered super fast but still charged the slow-coach rates. So again, I was doing much more in the small amount of time than before. And, I also was not good at articulating this added-benefit to my clients that my speed had increased even though they were paying me the same rates as before.

5| I squeezed in people on my calendar even if it was already full.
I got really stressed because I didn’t learn the art of scheduling people. I would put in several projects next to each other giving me no breathing room. I would respond to client questions right away even when I had a 100 things already in the pipeline. This made clients happy but made me unhappy. I am getting better at this but still a weak point that I need to get ironed out.

6| I didn’t schedule in me-time (reading time).
Everyone needs time off to do things they love. I love reading books on the nature of the mind. But I never made time for it. I was excited about my business but paid a price for not scheduling in me-time. The price was: I had to come to a complete stop for 6 months in order to recover from ignoring my inherent need for learning.

7| I didn’t go where my heart was calling.
I actually began my business with the goal of building websites. But as I was busy catering to incoming email marketing projects (which I am good at and still enjoy as well), I didn’t take the time to blog and make tutorials about web design (which I am changing now). I love designing websites and I love the visual language that translates onto the screen to convey a message or sell an idea. I am now doing more of that and I am happy about that change.

8| I didn’t take a real break.
Vacations? What vacation? I didn’t take a vacation and so never truly unplugged from the internet and from computers for more than a long weekend. Just like those old MTV unplugged sessions from the 90s, I realize I too need to completely unplug; take a break from life-as-usual. And finally this year, that’s exactly what I am doing.

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Refuel. Recharge. Take A Break.

So, I am now finally taking a three-week break and traveling to my birth country, India. I will be spending time in Northern India in the beautiful Himalayan mountains and be without internet or phone access for most of the time. I will be in Dharamsala which is also the adopted home of the Tibetan leader and inspiration, His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. This is a very special time and I wish to return with much inspiration and energy back to my home in the North Carolinian mountains.

This has been a very vulnerable post for me to share all of this with you. I hope that in the sharing of it, you too will become aware of how you are doing things in your life and business. And I hope you are following your heart and taking care of your needs while you build your business, too. Please share in the comments what challenges you’ve had to face or are currently facing so we can support and inspire each other.

~ Peace Sophia

Related Content:

10 Steps To Building A New Meditation Habit

10 Steps To Building A New Meditation Habit

Photo by Jay Castor

We all know the benefit of meditation, especially a daily meditation practice. It has good effects for our health, our mind, our relationships and practically every aspect of our lives. So if we know it is good for us, why can't we do meditation every single day, without struggling to fit it into our daily hectic lives?

There are many answers to this question. We may intellectually know that meditation is good but don't have enough personal experience with it to seal the deal, so to speak. Or we may not have easy access to a meditation practice. Or we may not know how to go about picking a meditation that fits our life. Or we may not know how to build a daily habit. We may think that because of physical illness we cannot do meditation. Or that we need to sit cross-legged in order to do it in the first place. And there are plenty more reasons...

So how does one go about navigating this new world of meditation? Here are some tips that can help you tap into the juicy benefits of a daily meditation practice that await you.

1. Try different kinds of meditation

If you are just starting out, I highly recommend that you take a taste of the various kinds of meditations there are out there. You can try breath awareness, yoga nidra, mindful walking meditation, body scan technique, creative visualizations (I've got tons of free videos on my YouTube Channel for you here), shamanic meditation, anapana meditation, loving kindness meditation, gratitude meditation, vipassana meditation and so on. Try meditations with music or without music. Just see what you feel drawn to and start there. You don't have to try all. Just find one that you like to begin with and then you will find that the right practice will emerge for you in time.

Here's one

2. Start small

An important tip that can help you on your meditation journey is to start small, especially if just the idea of sitting for a long period of time causes you unease. Even just one minute is good enough. You can always progress into longer sessions. But what is more important in building a practice is consistency. So I'd suggest that I'd rather have you meditating 1 min every day of the week rather than an entire hour once a month. You will find it much better to ease into a longer practice by being aware of your current needs. Here's an example of a short meditation in a moment:

3. You don't have to sit cross-legged

This one is such a big myth. You don't have to be an acrobat or any where close to accomplished in twisting your body in any way. You do not have to sit cross-legged during meditation. Yes, sitting with a straight back vs hunching over is a good idea. But what's most important is to sit comfortably. Find a position that your body feels good in and start there. It That means, you are allowed to sit on a chair or a couch or a bed or anywhere that feels good. You can lean against the wall, use cushions and any support you need to keep your body relaxed. And now point 4 is the big one:

4. You can change your position

There's such a misconception out there that during meditation you've got to sit in one position without moving and force yourself to stay still. This is not a gentle approach and in my experience not beneficial in building a practice. See, if you need to move, move. You need to stretch your legs, do it. You need to change your position do it. Over time, it will become easier to sit in one position for long stretches of time. But don't force yourself into it, especially not as you are starting out. So be gentle and move when you need to.

5. You don't have to get rid of your thoughts

This one was my biggest hurdle for the longest time. I heard Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle talk about the gap or the space between thoughts and it just frustrated me because all I experienced was a series of thoughts. No space between the thoughts! It felt like a far away dream to have no thoughts during meditation. Thankfully, I found out that meditation is not about getting rid of thoughts, rather it is about observing them. You observe the arising and disappearing of thoughts. Over time, the frequency of thoughts naturally declines and you get less and less thoughts. But that happens organically, naturally. You don't have to get rid of your thoughts - that is once again forcing things to be what they are not. So, don't get rid of thoughts, just observe them!

6. Do live in-person meditation sessions at a yoga studio

A really good way of starting a meditation practice is to go to an in-person studio where meditation sessions are held. A possible starting point is your local yoga studio or your local YMCA. For those of you living near Boone, North Carolina, you can try out Neighborhood Yoga Studio. They have many possibilities for meditation sessions. You can also come to my in-person workshop at the Appalachian Regional Library in Boone where I am doing free workshops (sponsored by the Library). 

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Try my Daily Live Sessions:

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7. Go on a 9 or 10 day retreat

I dabbled in meditation for five years before I went to my first 10 day meditation retreat. Of course, as much as I'd like to have done it earlier, I had to arrive at the right time for it to happen. This retreat was pivotal in my meditation journey because it was total immersion in one type of meditation; in this case, it was vipassana. A full-immersion meditation retreat that is all about learning and practicing meditation. And that's a great way to get started as a beginner because you learn the foundations of the practice from step zero and then go on to build it. You also find out quickly if this type of meditation jives with you or if you should rather move on in your search for a meditation practice.

Two recommendations:
1. Dhamma.org for 10 day meditation retreat to learn vipassana meditation inspired by S.N.Goenka, Burmese Indian follower of Burmese teacher U Ba Khin and his teacher, Burmese Monk Webu Sayadaw. They have retreats all around the world.
I've done three of these retreats in the past two years (two 10 day retreats as participant and one 5-day retreat as a server).

2. Buddhist Society of Western Australia: 9 Day meditation retreat in the tradition of Thai Forest Monks led by Ajahn Brahm and Ajahn Brahmali.
This one I'd like to do in this year.

8. Use triggers and tracking to build your new habit

Once you've honed in on the one meditation practice that you want to focus on, use the best information out there about building a new habit. Leo Babauta with his Sea Change Program and Shawn Achor in his book, The Happiness Advantage teach how to build new habits. What has worked for me is a two-pronged approach to building my habit: 1: use triggers and 2: use tracking calendar. Create a system in which you use triggers to build your habit and then track it every day. A trigger example: After waking up in the morning, brush teeth. For me, I apply this to meditation. After breakfast in the morning, meditate one hour. Use the tricks and processes that productivity and personal development masters have identified to build your new habit. Blog: How to use systems to build your meditation practice.

9. Try guided creative visualizations.

I've found, both for myself and for the individuals in my live workshops, that creative visualizations are a great place to start. A lot of us begin our meditation journey by going straight into a silent meditation practice. If it works for you, great. But for many of us that seems really daunting. We are overpowered by our thoughts and feel frustrated by the process. You can always give silent meditation a try but don't allow the challenges you face there to deter you from doing your meditation practice. Just give guided creative visualization a chance. These are great because they serve as a stepping stone to silent meditation
They are much easier because you are using the voice of the meditation guide to literally guide your mind to focus on a a limited set of thoughts. If you don't connect with creative visualizations, that's fine too. Just go with other guided meditations such as the ones by Abraham Hicks or Jon Kabat-Zinn. See Blog: Why guided meditations are a useful stepping stone to silent meditation practice.

Here's one example of a creative visualization:

10. Be in nature

Take time off to be in nature as often as you can. Stroll around in a park or in other natural settings and just watch the sky, the trees, the waves, streams or the landscape. What does this have to do with building a meditation practice? Well, nature has an amazing effect for calming the mind. The effect of being in nature continues to help you when you sit down to meditate.

11. Be kind to yourself

Finally and, I'd even say most importantly, it's crucial that you stay kind to yourself. Meditation is habit and a new enhancement of your lifestyle. There will be challenges but you've got to help yourself trust the process. Don't use meditation to hurt yourself. As you move through the habit building phase, let go of expectations and be kind to the process of calming the mind. Be especially, kind and patient when you miss a day of practice. I used to be filled with guilt when that happened and now I am much more kind to myself in that regard.

So, my friend, I hope these 10 tips are helpful to you as you build your meditation practice. Feel free to jot down your questions in the comments. Let me know what challenges have you face when building a new meditation practice.

Inner-Peace Chats: Get My Help To Carve Your Meditation Habit Plan

Building a daily meditation habit has been a life-changing phenomenon in my life as I see its healthy effects in all aspects of my life, including a big drop in mental and emotional stress, almost zero worrying and a deeper sense of ease about life and its many challenges.

I want to create resources on reflectionpond.com to help you live a more harmonious, peaceful life. And so I'd like to help you create your customized Meditation Habit Plan. This is part of my Inner-Peace Chat series where I speak with you via a video call (such as on skype or zoom) and find out a bit more about your lifestyle so we can customize your meditation habit plan. 

This is something very useful if you are starting out brand new or have been dabbling in meditation for a while but now want to get into a daily habit. I will identify how you can build a system to make meditating a no-brainer activity. And I will also share from my meditation journey of 8 years so that you can understand why it's been challenging to build this habit. At the end of our one hour session, you will know exactly what to do in order to incorporate your unique meditation practice into your life.

Based on what you need in the moment, in this Inner-Peace Chat, I will guide you through a process and a meditation to help you understand what is blocking you from building a daily habit and how you change it to truly benefit from a continued practice.

I invite you to take this opportunity, which at the moment, is the only way to get one-to-one time with me. 

So are you in? Go here to see a bit more detail and reserve your spot.

Why a 15 min daily meditation session is good enough?

Photo by Bryan Minear

Hello there my friend,

You know that meditation is good for you. But you've got a busy, very busy life. Just finding time to have lunch seems sometimes difficult for you because of all the things that need to get done. Then you here that meditation helps you and that an hour a day is the recommended time for really good results. And you think, "One hour? Are you out of your mind? Just the thought of doing meditation for an hour is making me anxious. I don't think meditation is for me!".

Please don't throw the whole meditation thing out just because you cannot do the "recommended" hour. I used to think that way and it really slowed down the process for me. I would think that because I can't do the full hour, why bother?

But, you know, it doesn't have to be a full hour. Just a few moments of mindfulness is good enough. Even just a minute several times a day can help you train your mind to become stronger, calmer and more able to deal with your life.

That's what I realized when I read the author Jon Kabat-Zinn's book, "Wherever you go, there you are." I did my first little book review back in 2010 on YouTube where I share how it was so liberating to know that I can just be fully present for a moment and that is already good enough.

So start there: Take it moment-by-moment.

Now, let's say you have been doing this "momentary" mindfulness exercises where you are fully in the present with whatever you are doing and now you want to take it to the next level, so to speak.

Then, I suggest that you think of investing 10-15 minutes towards calming your mind daily. Yes, d.a.i.l.y. A daily practice helps you ingrain the process of meditation in your mind. You will be building the mediation muscle by repeating this every single day. Just like any physical training, or learning anything new takes repetition, so does meditation.

Someone in my Live in-person workshop said that they have it harder to be calmer when the meditate by themselves. And that triggered a series of inspired thoughts for me. I thought, "How about offering a live meditation session every single day at the same time to help people like this one participant who wants to meditate every day but finds it hard to do without some support?" 

And the answer was as resounding yes. Starting on Monday, March 19th 2018, I've begun a daily LIVE meditation session called Daily Meditation with Sophia on YouTube.

Here's a link to the YouTube Channel where you can see the upcoming scheduled events. Or start of with these below:

These live sessions take place every single day at 12 noon ET. I start off with 2-3 minutes of introductory banter and then jump right into the meditation so that you can have at least 10-12 minutes before it's time to wrap up at 12:15 pm. I do stay on to chat more, share a few tips and answer any questions from the chat - until around 12:20-12:30pm. Then it's off to lunch!

I've designed these sessions to last from 12 noon til 12:15pm so that anyone on a tight lunch break schedule can take a sip of calm and then go eat something and head back to work. It's meditation for a busy lifestyle which seems everyone seems to have these days. It gives you enough of a break to build a daily practice without being overwhelming which a long 30 minute or an hour long session can feel. 

So do come and join me or catch a recording each day:

Also if you'd like to learn how to become a Patron of Reflection Pond and of these daily meditations, take a look here.

Why you cannot get rid of karma and what to do about it

Photo by Ashley Batz

More and more of us are becoming aware of how "karma" is universal; not connected to any one spiritual tradition. I can see that from the stats on my blog. 33% of visitors on my site are interested in my blog post on how to break karmic patterns. Clearly, we are realizing that karma is active in our lives and we want to do something about it. We want to get rid of karma.

One of the reasons we want to do that is because somehow the word has spread, especially in Western countries, that Karma = results of our bad actions in the past or in a past life. Karma then creates fear. Are we then subject to the unknown bad actions of our past life? Are the bad actions of our current life irreparable and we are destined to suffer from its consequences? This is not fully descriptive because it is incomplete and as a result this way of looking at karma is inaccurate. It just creates fear and anxiety and is not really productive.

So then what is Karma? And how can one get rid of it? First, I've got to say that we cannot get rid of karma. Why? Because karma is an inherent part of how life works and we cannot get 'rid' of it. It's like saying, "I keep falling when riding a bicycle. I want to get rid of gravity". Ridiculous, right? In the same way, it would be like saying, "I fell into a karmic trap. I want to get rid of karma."

Once we realize what karma is, then we will understand how silly it is to want to get rid of karma. Karma, in short, is a cycle of cause and effect. What you sow, you shall reap. If you plant a seed for a mango tree, you will get a mango tree (all other conditions for its growth sufficing), not an apple tree. This essentially is karma. It is like gravity. It is part of the structural nature of life. 

So then, instead of getting rid of karma, we can work towards understanding how karma works and how to use it for our spiritual progress. There are ways to lessen the effect of past karma and create a better future for us in this very life and also in the next life. These ways have been identified in many, varied ancient spiritual traditions and written about by many well-known authors of our current time. Deepak Chopra is one of the most read authors and if you like to go deeper on his approach you can read my in-depth blog post where I detail the many aspects of the Law of Karma and how to break karmic patterns.

How does karma work?

How does karma really work? And how can we use our understanding of it to reduce the negative impact of old bad karma?

Simply said, karma just describes the process of cause and effect in our lives. We think good thoughts and take good actions and it results in the appreciation of good actions and thoughts in our lives. (Appreciation, in this context, means expansion of or an increase in). Similarly, when we take on bad actions, we get bad results.

Good thoughts + good actions = good results

Bad thoughts + bad actions = bad results

So the equation is easy to understand, isn't it? And so, to create good conditions for us in the future, we have to sow good seeds of good thoughts and good actions. This is not just about giving a donation or helping out a friend, although those are wonderful things to do. What this also means is how we respond to a certain situation, how we dissolve negative emotion through present moment awareness, how we practice forgiveness, detachment and equanimity and kindness to ourselves and others.

This is about how we think, how we handle stress and how we deal with disappointments. It is about creating a way of life that is wholesome, beneficial to our well-being and of the people, animals and environment we effect. This is not something we learn in school, although some schools in India I have heard are teaching secular values. If we are lucky, this would be something we absorb from our parents, teachers and religious institutions. It's a skill, like a muscle, that can be trained and developed.

When we learn to practice sowing the good seeds, we find that things in our lives develop more harmoniously. Relationships get better, our health improves. And problems get less intense. But problems and challenges are a part of life and they do sprout from time to time. However, because of the good seeds we are sowing, we find it easier to deal with those new problems. So for instance, if we are dealing with a crisis or a challenge, we find that we have more mental and emotional energy and inner-resilience to deal with it. We don't become distraught, overwhelmed or feel helpless like we may have felt before. We find a deep inner-strength and mental focus and resilience that helps us to handle that new situation more positively and constructively.

Reducing old bad karma

Alright, that seems like a recipe for creating good karma. But how about reducing the impact of bad karma from current life or of those from other lives? There are times in our lives when we realize that there is challenge that we are finding hard to overcome. For instance, it could be a health situation that you are facing. Or it may be that you find yourself in an unending cycle of similar situations over and over again. A good example of this is finding a 'perfect' partner but then breaking up, finding a 'perfect' partner and then breaking up. After a while you realize, "hey, this is clearly a pattern", and you begin to research ways to get out of it. This karmic pattern can also take the form of a series of similar emotional challenges. I've in the past, for instance, found myself in the cycle of worry, especially, around my cats. Clearly, my cats and my relationship with them is part of a karmic cycle and I've worked hard on breaking that old pattern I kept falling into. 

Dealing with unknown roots of karma

And what if we don't know what bad karma we did or are continuing to do unknowingly which is causing us to fall in to the same patterns. Is there a way to break this old karmic pattern or are we destined to 'suffer the consequences'? 

Thankfully, from my experience, and from my studies of Buddhist thought and great thinkers and writers, the answer is: yes. Yes, we can influence the effect of our bad karma; both in reducing it's negative effect on us and in making us more capable of handling them.

Before I give you some processes and inspiration on how you can approach this, I want you to consider some people out there in the world who you would not have imagined to be cheerful and happy. I've seen inspirational talks by people who have no arms and legs doing wonderful things to encourage and inspire young people with their stories. And they seem so content with their situation. I can hardly imagine the physical let alone emotional challenges one might face dealing with such a life circumstance. But instead of feeling hopeless and helpless, these inspiring leaders have walked through the tunnel and come out on to the other side. They have made peace with their reality and taken massive steps to make the best of their situation to help and inspire others. They are the shining examples of how we can overcome negative karma and thrive in our lives.

Here's an approach towards healing the effects of bad karma and breaking old karmic patterns. How do you know you are in a karmic pattern? There are two ways to find that out. One: You keep falling into the same problem over and over again. And two: You've been facing the same problem for a very long time.

To break this bad karma, you need to:

1. Recognize the pattern:
Identify what exactly is going on and notice if you keep running into a similar problem.  Do you always find yourself broke? Do you keep falling for the same type of guy and it ends up not working out? Do you constantly get overlooked for a promotion at work? Does your business always seem to be running out of clients?

2. Take responsibility for it:
Once you identify the problem, take responsibility for it. Remember this is not about blaming or criticizing yourself. But it is about recognizing that there were certain knowable or unknowable thoughts/actions you took in your past that is resulting into this situation. Be very kind to yourself in this stage, especially, when it comes to ill-health or other things that we experience, we often fall into guilt, thinking we are the cause of it. No, this is not about making you guilty for it. But it is about helping you see that you can take positive actions to create a more harmonious life for you in the future.

3. Reflect on possible counter-actions:
Now you can take some time to reflect on what counter-actions you can take to turn around the pattern you keep falling in to. So for instance, if you constantly feel broke, brainstorm what actions you can take to break that feeling. One hint in coming up with some counter-actions is the golden rule. Begin by thinking, what could I do for somebody else in a similar situation? So in this example, you might come up with: help my friend who is also dealing with feeling broke to come up with some income-generating ideas, or learn about budgeting and share it on a blog. I'll get really person here and share that I kept falling into a deep negative thought pattern of sad thoughts and depression. So I started this blog you are reading, to help others dealing with a similar situation get out of negative thoughts and cultivate more healthy, mental habits. Thinking about what you can do for someone in your shoes, is a great inspiration for new action. 

One example of this are very inspiring: Denise Duffield Thomas who created the Money Mindset Bootcamp, wanted to create financial abundance for herself and her family. So she started teaching other women how to do so and she broke out of her old pattern of being broke.

4. Take positive action:
Now that you have reflected on what good actions you can sow, you can begin to schedule specific days and times in your calendar to actively take those actions. This is really key because we all have very busy lives and if things are not carefully planned, often they don't get done, especially, things like taking new positive action. Get a friend or partner to be your accountability partner if you need it. But get going on this as soon as you can.

5. Cultivate present moment awareness:
This may be the most powerful of them all along with step no. 3-4. Cultivating present moment awareness is all about learning to be in the present moment. When you are doing something, bring your complete attention to what you are doing. Fully listen to the other person instead of planning the next sentence you want to say. Practicing meditation is great way to learn how to do this because you learn to calm your mind, learn to be aware of your breath and to be an observer of what is.

So this is a good starting point on how to begin breaking your negative karma and build good karma. Remember that karma is not your enemy and you don't need to be afraid of it, just like you don't need to be afraid of gravity, or the sun. Once you understand how it can be used positively in your life, you realize that karma is actually your friend.

In the comments, share with us what repeating pattern are you noticing in your life? And if you've figured out ways to break it?

Create Your Masterplan of Action (not available anymore)

To help you find out how you can identify your karmic patterns and then create your custom plan of action to break out of those patterns and build better patterns, I'm starting a new one-to-one offering called the Inner-Peace Chats.

In this session, I offer you my presence and guide you on how identifying what you are stuck at, what the karmic pattern you've found yourself in and how to break out of it. This is one of the key foundations for cultivating deeper inner-peace and sense of resilience.

The Inner-Peace Chat is a comforting conversation during moments where you feel weak, distraught or simply in need of an uplifting boost. And according to what you need in the moment, I will guide you through a process and a meditation to help you deal with the impact of the Karmic pattern and help you move through it.

It will be an hour-long process and you will receive in your inbox a customized plan of action that will help you ground your new realization and create new karmic seeds for greater harmony and resilience in your life.